Archive for the ‘Trying to Change people’ Category
Often in my readings I share with people the value of seeing the meaning and purpose in all of how life unfolds. I tell them when there in a painful scenario, that everything happens for a reason and nothing is by chance and nothing is inherently negative, challenging yes but negative no. This perspective is nothing new and has been repeated and phrased differently by many people, over many centuries. For me it’s a view that makes sense and can really help people gain perspective when we come up against difficult times.
Though I truly believe in the meaning of all things, it is something that is certainly easier said than done. The challenge of truly integrating this outlook I have lately felt in my own life. Recently I have ended up entangled in situation that has been very stressful, disconcerting and difficult to get my head around and make peace with. It has involved the buying of property and the work involved taking from a empty plot of land into a liveable house. It’s a horrible feeling to know you have shafted while at the same time you know there is nothing on practical level you can do about it. What can then make it even worse is looking back and being honest about that fact that I put myself exactly where I am, maybe through unfounded trust, gullibility and lack of thoroughness in investigating what I was getting into but none the less it arose from choices I made. Then on top of all that I am aware that it hasn’t been the first time I have ended up on the raw end of a deal. As I you thought I had learnt my lesson only that I obviously haven’t
The bottom line is according to my own perspective that I espouse to my clients ,my own tough situation has happened for a reason, something good will come of it and the best thing I can do is accept it with a loving detachment. Umm I think…do I really say that to people? Umm this is not easy ,feeling so wronged and then asking of myself to see it as so right. As I can’t get it out of my head how this has set me back,I can’t seem to let go of the anger of feel toward myself , the supposed victim and them the supposed villains .I have imaginary conversation and confrontations putting it all right and getting justice, even though I know this will never happen. Up to now the only measurable outcome of what I have been going through is stress and struggle.
It’s a theme that I discuss regularly on this blog but its theme that I deal with regularly in my readings, it’s the issue of acceptance. On one hand it’s a simple and straight forward principle to practice , on the other hand it seems to grate and push against our instincts and drives. When faced with a scenario where someone is not feeling the way we want them to feel, we have hard time just accepting that this is the way they feel. We link accepting this with giving up and defeat. We then get caught in polarity that either I am pushing and striving to make the relationship better, or I depressingly throw in the towel and walk away. Yet often we fail to see that our “pushing” and “wanting” for that person to be different, could be a contributing factor that keeps them in the place where we don’t want them to be.
Acceptance is not about defeat, acceptance is solely about acceptance .If a person say, is unwilling to commit, they say upfront that they don’t want too much involvement. Acceptance is just respecting that person’s right to feel that way . Acceptance is practicing not fighting and struggling to get what you want, by trying to change the way another person feels. It can be tough and quite confronting, as our mind if often scheming and plotting to somehow, in some way, get what it wants. This could be more love, more commitment, more time, more contact, less distance, more communication, the list goes on .As we hold an idea in our mind of how we want that person to be and subtlety are pushing them into that place .We think if only they could commit and feel they way I want them to feel then everything would be ok.
The tricky part with acceptance may have to face the fact that the person we want to be a certain way, just isn’t that way. That doesn’t mean we have to water down the things we are desserving of, rather we just fully accept that this person is unwilling or unable to give us what we want at this moment. Choosing to continue with that person is then our choice, a choice we make with a honest understanding of where they are and want their willing to give .If someone decides to continue , whilst just accepting other person commits fears, they then may struggle with the feeling like the other person is now just getting things their way. It may feel like the relationship is now just shaped around their preferences and inability to commit .Yet the reality is, if they are unwilling to give more and really do only want something on their terms, then acceptance takes us away from the hope of a more commitment in the future that allows us to avoid the present.
Easter is here again .I have the important duty of working out where to hide my children’s Easter eggs .Being three and four years old girls, they have to be hidden well enough for them to have fun but not too hard that they end up crying because they can’t find any(I have to make sure I remember to ,so one melted egg does show up three months from now) .As I walked through the supermarket looking for my essential chocolate mini-eggs I was surrounded by rows and rows of chocolate themed eggs . Easter is here and there no getting away from it, literally! Malta ,the island I live in strange mix of overt and celebrated Catholicism and stock standard chocolate coated consumerism of modern Easter. Although I am no longer a practicing Christian, for myself there is powerful symbolism surrounding Easter and central religious focus of the death of Jesus Christ ,his pain, his betrayal, his death and the his eventual resurrection. To me the ritual of Easter possibly has more relevance and bearing to our own lives than we may think.
The story of Christ’s death and resurrection tells us that even in the darkest and most difficult times, when we feel the most forsaken and alone , out of this pain there is the hope of renewal, re-birth and new beginnings. When we are in the midst of this hurting it can be easy to forget this fact. There comes a point where we just don’t see the light, we are enmeshed with our troubles that is hard to see or understand the wider more meaningful narrative that we are part of. Yet in the same way our happy moments pass, so do our bad ones. The pain can often be prolonged not by the problem or event that started it, but rather through our unwillingness to truly let go and surrender our want for things to be different to what they where or are.
The difficult part is some feelings we can’t “partially” let go of. Christ didn’t just partially suffer , he died on the cross .His rebirth and accent into heaven could only occur once that death had taken place. Often in life we are faced with these realities, where the only way to truly have fresh start is to sincerely let go and die to what we are holding on to. Do this we must be willing to surrender our wilfulness, our need for an expected outcome and start trusting in the unseen forces that take hold once we hand over our pain over.
In my experience as a psychic when men choose to end a long term marriage/relationship there is often another woman somewhere in the picture. Of course there are always exceptions but in my psychic readings I rarely find situations where men choose to leave the unhappy but comfortable set up to just live on their own. At some juncture of their lives another woman comes along and the connection and comfort of that new person is compelling enough to go through the discomfort and stress of leaving their long term partner and often breaking up a family home.
At the same time there are men who get involved with another woman outside the marriage but for various reasons never end up leaving their wife. For the person involved with a married man they’re faced with that question of which one are they? Is what they have real enough, strong enough and is the timing right for that person to leave his wife? Or is the person you’re involved with never going to leave no matter what. Now despite sincere advice from the friends telling you “Never to get involved with a married man, because they will never leave their wife” the truth is many men do leave their wives, it is no longer socially unacceptable for people to divorce. So it’s not unrealistic to think the person you are involved with will leave his wife.
At the same time I know from my readings there are men who really are just having an affair and have no intention at any point of ever leaving their wife, regardless of what they promise. To help you work out which one is which here are 7 signs a person s “less likely” to leave their wife. These of course are just indicators, as I have used the words “less likely” there will always been exceptions to the rule but overall if you experience any of the signs below it is not a great omen whatever way you look at it.
1) They refuse to or are unwilling ever to speak about their wife. This way they ensure from the start the possibility, probability or mere notion of them leaving never even gets discussed. From the start their moods and emotions let you know that talking about their marriage is “no go” topic. This lack of openness on one hand avoids them facing their own guilt, but at the same time it’s a way of separating the two worlds they have created.
There comes a point when writing articles about relationships and personal development where I get stuck. Itâ€™s hard not to feel that you just end up writing different version of Â the same topics. The truth is this is the case but itâ€™s more of a honest reflection of the way life and relationship themselves unfold. Often we are dealing with the same things over and over, the same themes, the same issues, the same conflicts, the same dilemmas. Each time we go through a cycle we hope for a better understanding or more insight and awareness of whatâ€™s happening .
If only they called more…..
Life ends up feeling like a spiral more than a Â straight line. One of the themes I have talked about before is how relationships are our mirrors to ourselves, how we view others, tells us more about ourselves than the people we are judging or forming opinions on. This is almost an instinctual habit in us that itâ€™s hard at times to really gain distance from, due to how frequently we go about this. In psychic readings the most common occurrence of this is when a person wants other person to be another way in order to make them feel more safe, secure or reassured. For instance someone we are in love with or involved with, becomes emotionally distant and stops communicating. This can then trigger a anxiety or feeling of unease that compels the person to want the other person to go back to the way they were before, to keep loving them or keep giving them the feeling that made them feel so good before. It Â is within the midst of these moments we have a golden opportunity to shift our perceptive, to bring to ourselves more happiness and more contentment.
Its our “thoughts” not the other person that is the problem..
The thought â€œThey should call more oftenâ€ when we are faced with a reality that they donâ€™t and it appears they are not going to, creates a high level of stress and frustration .We put our focus into hoping and wishing they would do what we want. We want our internal discomfort to ease by an external reality that we have no say or no control over. We set ourselves up to feel stressed and unhappy just by the thought â€œThey should call more oftenâ€ which really translate â€œThey should do what I want ,to make me feel what I wantâ€. If we are able to examine this thought and put our focus not shifting reality but shifting the thought.