The idea of being with someone you were fated to be with is something that someone single may truly wish for. The whole idea itself rest on some premise that first of all “fate” in itself exists. That woven into the fabric of lives is some kind of plan or order, a cosmic sto
ry that we are part of whether we are aware of it or not. The choices we make, the people we attract, the situation that are out of our control are not meaningless events, happening is some kind of random way, rather they are part of some divine order of things. Is all this true? To be honest to do believe in parts of this but at the same time how this view relates to free will and self determination is something philosophers and great thinker have been ruminating all the way back to the ancient Greeks civilisation . Personally I think there is a mixture of fate and choice in life, how the two intersect with one another remains a mystery to me .I know for sure that there have been events in my life that have been beyond coincidence that validate some kind of synchronicity or a wider meaningfulness, at the same time what parts of that are my own creation is hard to draw line under .
I think what’s appealing about the view of predestined events and meeting is it embodies life with some sense of magic and purpose, as pointlessness can create very strong feeling of despair and world-weariness. . Our pain and hardships can be easier to heal and move forward with if we feel that there part of some bigger picture. So if someone is single and they want to meet the person they are destined to be with what do they do to draw that to them? As the very desire or belief in this assumes that that outcome is something that will happen to you, rather then something you create. This then can confront someone with very strong conflict or opportunity for trust ,depending on how you want to look at it. As if romance is genuinely is fated it is pointless trying to make it happen, as in essence it will happen when its “meant to be”. That means there is no relationship between the effort and energy that can go into finding someone , as the belief in fate entrust that outcome to the universe rather than one’s own efforts. Yet you could argue, that who’s to know that the effort you put into finding someone isn’t itself part of the fate itself .So it can end up quite head trip the whole process of where one things begins and the other ends. My basic advice to people looking for that “destined” to be relationship to work towards finding their own sense of personal or individual destiny. The more you aligned and living out your own destiny , then the greater chance the people that are meant to be part of that will come into your life naturally and effortlessly. As life seems at times to follow certain kind of rules, like the harder you try to get something that not in your control the further away its seems to be. So a workable and practical place always to start when it come to meeting someone new is where you are inside yourself. It’s inside ourselves we can examine our expectations, beliefs and feeling that are shaping what we allow to come into our lives. As we resist less the reality of our singleness the more we live our lives in the present and the more able to draw to us something authentically new, as we are in state of sincere openness to what life can bring. This can be contrast to rigid and fixed expectation of what new love has to look and feel like, that we then constantly reviewing and assessing against, setting ourselves up for repeated disappointments . So the best place to start to accelerate the process of finding that “destined” partner is start feeling like your living your life as fully and wholly as possible. Living from position of trust in that unseen hand we choose surrender the parts of our lives we can’t control .The twist in the tales is often when we let go of the want and struggle to acquire that “right relationship” the universe rewards us with , drum roll, you guess it, the “right relationship”.
It can be all too easy to enter into a routine in the way we think and act that gives us sense of monotony and numbness. We plod along feeling like we have done it all before, because more than likely we have, same s**t ,different day, as expression goes. When we are moving along in this way, a type of emotional autopilot , it makes sense that we feel empty ,depressed and conflicted, as there is another part of us that never really makes peace and accepts this dreary place. We intuitively feel and know that there is more to life than what we are experiencing. This can be heighten even further when the previous mechanism of escape, drugs, drink, food, sex, TV or whatever it maybe, all fail to numb us, or distract us from the pain in the way it used. We are not happy in life and our efforts to pretend otherwise have stopped working.
Although a cynic may say this is “just life†yet that need for “moreâ€, whether we accept it or not, has a power and pull .So much so, we can draw to us the opportunity for change whether we like or not. For many people this “kick start†or emotional revolution begins with a new relationship. Suddenly we feel the blood flowing through our veins, we experience a renewed sense of passion and zest for life. Suddenly a future that seemed rigidly mapped out has been discarded and replaced with a new map that is open and full of potential.
Enclosed with the experience also can be this feeling that this person and this occurrence was somehow fated or destined to be. Although I find it drippy, cliché and corny the general term for this experience is the soul mate (Personally I prefer the term coined by John O’Donahue “Anam Cara†which means “Soul Friendâ€. This then opens the experience up to emotional connections beyond romantic relationships.) When we feel we have encountered a person that is a soul friend, it awakens a feeling of our own soul. That warm familiarity we get with someone, that feeling we somehow know them, tells us the universe we inhabit is driven and directed by powerful, loving and magical forces .The meaningless drift was just a temporary illusion as the curtain is pulled back to reveal a life full of significance, worth and love. Our fated paths have crossed as a part of wider ,more cosmic narrative that we are somehow part of .
As often these relationship are romantic and often they can be catalyst for huge changes in people lives. People suddenly wake up thinking “Why am I doing this?†“Who’s life am I living?†We sense life is too short and too important to be wasted to be with people we have stopped loving or situations that limit and holds us back. Once we have tasted the fruit of those new and meaningful feelings, it is very difficult to just pretend it never happened. All this said, a bigger danger people can face it being aware of the power a new connection may have on us and as a result secretly hide our souls in anticipation of that bond.
If someone asked me what is the best way to attract that depth of union, I would suggest to start living your life with your soul open to the world to see. That begins with understanding and nurturing that awareness of our soul, spiritual centre, cosmic self, spirit or whatever name you choose to call it. Work to make “soul choicesâ€, choices that come from a deeper understanding of who we are and our relationship with that part of ourselves and that part of life. We all deserve to feel magic and meaning in our lives. The love and connection we feel for another is such a wonderful gift we have as people .It inspires us , it enlivens us, it reminds us of what is truly important .Just beware if you’re not feeling that way you don’t have to wait for that “other†person, you can start now. You can invite that deeper part of who you are into your life. You can mindfully choose to commune with your soul .It’s that ever-present flame that burns within each of, producing feelings of unity, connection, love, kindness and peace. It’s the part of us that fights nothing, as its knows everything is ok and will be ok. As you see the warmth and brilliance of your own nature it will be impossible to not start finding yourself seeing it in others. Then our life becomes celebration of our ability to love and life’s amazing way of giving us an unending opportunities to practice this love. A quest of the heart, born from an awareness we are all worthy of tremendous love and capable of both giving it and receiving it. Give your soul a chance to breath, to be heard. As you do, I have no doubt that many fantastic people and opportunities will enter your life.
The Concept of a Soul Mate When we think of the words “soul mateâ€, we tend to think of the ideal partner, the ultimate relationship and the one where we live happily ever after. We tend to think that we will know it immediately when we find the person. We may even think that it will solve everything in our lives. However, we need to look deeper.
The experience…
When we find a soul mate, there is a profound sense of connection. We can feel as if we already know the person. This could be because, on some level, we do. Perhaps we were together in a previous life with them or perhaps our souls made a decision to share experiences together in this life. It is as if it is our destiny to be together.
When you find your soul mate, the relationship will be deeply loving and uplifting for both of you. It is not an obsessive clinging to one another to the exclusion of all else; it is where you both grow and develop spiritually. Your interactions are open and you are not playing out childhood issues. This doesn’t mean that there won’t be challenges. Relationships are our teachers and soul mates are here to help our growth.
The downfall…
Although the belief that you have found your soul mate can be positive for your relationship, it can also create unnecessary pressure and expectations.
What happens if your soul mate leaves you? Does this now mean that you will never have that experience again? Will you wait forever, expecting them to return to you because it is “meant to be� Do you now believe you will be lonely forever?
It is natural to want a deep relationship; however, if too much importance is placed on finding this one exceptional partner, how much stress will that cause us? If we are waiting for that instant feeling of love how many opportunities will we miss? We are setting ourselves up for a succession of disappointments.
If we believe a soul mate is the only solution, if this must be the reality, we limit ourselves and our lives.
A different view…
One of my favourite books is “Anam Cara†by John O’Donohue. It is a beautifully written book which explores what it means to have an Anam Cara, which is Gaelic for “soul friendâ€.
