Archive for the ‘Self-Love’ Category
The article below was inspired by a client who would prefer to remain anonymous , so lets call her client L.J I did many readings for L.J and I have tremendous respect and admiration for the changes and choices she has made .Her life now is really evidence that as hard as it can be, life can and does get better when we trust and follow how we truly feel. If you read this L.J you have a lot to be proud of
Although I don’t have any credible data to back up my theory, actually I don’t even have any credible data to back up being a psychic , but that aside in my experience as psychic reader I would say that when a man who is forty plus, leaves a woman ,more often than not, there is another woman’s somewhere in the picture. Yet many women I have done readings for have left their husbands without the security and comfort of a partner waiting in the wings for them .Of course there women who leave relationships to be with someone else but none the less, this is phenomena I have observed.
The word I used in the title “Courage” to describe the characteristic that women possess in this area more than men, is word purposely chosen and a word that accurately describes what is needed and required of a women to leave a man, without the safety net of another. As courage is the willingness to take action not because one is fearless but to take action despite the crippling fears that may be present.
I think there are a number of things that contribute to this in the dynamics of relationship. I think a very basic one is how each partner has their needs meet .It would seem for someone men, having wife present , to do all the daily things of running a house, to go on holiday with and general feel look after maybe enough. They may no longer be attracted or have any romantic of loving feelings but security of just the other being there , is far better than being alone .In fact it may not be until an other women arrives on the scene and stirs up some of the more forgotten and numbed out needs that this man may consider leaving there partner. Although it may be wrapped up in the romantic language, it can often be a case of a new model has appeared on the market that can better fulfil what I want, this new model maybe younger, pay them more attention, stroke their ego and so forth.
Psychic Medium Ewan Nicholson explores what formula, if any, is there to finding a loving and fulfilling relationship and how psychic readings may help someone get there.
Throughout my time as a professional psychic, my work has ended up being about helping people through common themes. The most frequent area of life I deal with is romantic relationships.Time and time again clients come up against genuinely stressful and disappointing scenarios in the course of trying to find happiness in there love life. From being involved with a person who can’t commit, to being single and struggling to meet someone special , to falling in love with a married person, to breaking up with a person who you yearn to be together again .All these situations are unique but they also share common characteristics and invoke common feelings and thoughts. What is great about the similarities we share with others, is our common problems provides with the opportunity for a common solution.
I truly believe, that each person has the ability to create and attract relationships into their life which are secure, fulfilling and beneficial. Our desire for closeness is healthy and it is often our close relationship that provide us with the meaning and depth each us yearn for in life. Closeness also brings colour and vibrancy into our lives ,which can be well needed when we are immerse in a society that is often automated and impersonal .Yet when you have genuinely endeavoured to find that closeness and repeatedly fail to do so over a period of years, it is easy to start to doubt the legitimacy of that need . What we once would have deemed cynical and pessimistic we now call this thinking as being “realistic”. We may find ourselves vacillating from somewhat depressed “can’t be bother” which after period of time our need for closeness and connection prompts to make and “effort” in which we venture out with all our past hurts and fears. Wary that if history repeats itself it gets harder and harder to keep trying but the longer we go without the love we are seeking more we may yearn for that closeness and connection. So we are faced with conundrum “I want a close relationship but I don’t want to set myself to feel disappointed and let down”
I find it a great honour to able to support and guide people towards a place where they are able to find that love and peace within themselves and their relationships .In my personal and professional experience, I have no doubt that the fastest way through a problem is to be able to ask for help and support. Although in the end we all have to take responsibility for our life and choices, knowing we are not alone in our issues and that others do care about our well-being, makes the whole process a lot more easier and lot less tiring. It also encouraging knowing other have been where we are and they managed to find a way forward ,into more loving and rewarding relationships.
If there one topic or issue that would be a reoccurring theme within my readings it would the issue of dealing with someone close cutting off or pulling away to the extent all communication has come to a halt. The person is often left with questions, concerns and general feeling of things being “unfinished”. Afterwards they then wonder if there holding on is based on an intuition or some massive denial disguised as an ongoing connection. The problem is there is not a formula or general rule to apply to these situations. Each scenario is unique and particular to the two people involved. Often the non-communication ends and things start back up again, other times it really is the finally curtain call for the relationship. Trying to know which one you’re in is often the purpose of people having a psychic reading. As their knife-like silence and absence creates a deep anxiety and fretful feeling that gnaws away at the person stomach. They know that to keep texting my make them look like a stalker which they don’t want to be perceived as and they may have even suffered the modern “slap-down” of a Facebook friend delete, which just furthers the panic. All this creates a heightened sense of having no control over the outcome. We are not willing or wanting to let go but the other hand person has decide for now, they do. So what do you do? Is there any secret psychic trick that can get them to txt and get back in touch? The good news is there are things you can do to help you feel better and move forward. Bad news is there is no tricks and secret to get them to do anything, in that regards that silly annoying thing of peoples personal free will keeps getting in the way So for now it’s best to just stick with working on oneself as the most effective solution.
Getting in the right place
First thing I would try become aware of is that if there is any emotional state you can move into that may help compel them to re-communicate, it is less likely to be when you are feeling insecure, needy, desperate or any of those type of feelings. Let’s face it, when any of us feels those type of feelings from someone our basic gut reaction is pull away. If they are have already pulled back, dumping your insecurities in their direction will probably ensure more and more distance between the two of you. The hard part about not feeling so insecure, is the very act of someone we care about pulling away naturally invokes an insecure feelings. We are left with an emotional vacuum that their distance has now created , which is not easy to be indifferent to. The key here to not allowing the insecurity to spill over is to really try understand its root cause. It may seem to be about the other person but in truth whatever we feeling starts someplace inside ourselves .When someone cuts off we are bound to feel rejected .This can bring up feelings of low self worth and feelings of not being lovable .Even though we know they have pulled away for their own reasons we still personalising and think they on some level there is something wrong with us that has forced them away .If we really believe that is the truth, then it make sense we want to fix it on some level ,as we are attributing their distance to being our fault. What you may find helpful is to really start working on affirming to yourself how valued and worthy you really are,independent of what they do.As you sit with the feeling of being at peace with yourself you will find that the urge or intensity of wanting to communicate, or needing them to communicate will lift. Maybe not totally but enough for you to feel it’s made a difference As some of what you feel is your genuine desire to be back in touch but a large part of what going on is how insecure their distance has suddenly made you feel. By reminding yourself that you have no reason to feel insecure and you are whole and worthy ,will help shift something in yourself focus wise .As the very act concentrating first on your self worth moves the focus away from them to you.
It can be all too easy to enter into a routine in the way we think and act that gives us sense of monotony and numbness. We plod along feeling like we have done it all before, because more than likely we have, same s**t ,different day, as expression goes. When we are moving along in this way, a type of emotional autopilot , it makes sense that we feel empty ,depressed and conflicted, as there is another part of us that never really makes peace and accepts this dreary place. We intuitively feel and know that there is more to life than what we are experiencing. This can be heighten even further when the previous mechanism of escape, drugs, drink, food, sex, TV or whatever it maybe, all fail to numb us, or distract us from the pain in the way it used. We are not happy in life and our efforts to pretend otherwise have stopped working.
Although a cynic may say this is â€œjust lifeâ€ yet that need for â€œmoreâ€, whether we accept it or not, has a power and pull .So much so, we can draw to us the opportunity for change whether we like or not. For many people this â€œkick startâ€ or emotional revolution begins with a new relationship. Suddenly we feel the blood flowing through our veins, we experience a renewed sense of passion and zest for life. Suddenly a future that seemed rigidly mapped out has been discarded and replaced with a new map that is open and full of potential.
Enclosed with the experience also can be this feeling that this person and this occurrence was somehow fated or destined to be. Although I find it drippy, clichÃ© and corny the general term for this experience is the soul mate (Personally I prefer the term coined by John Oâ€™Donahue â€œAnam Caraâ€ which means â€œSoul Friendâ€. This then opens the experience up to emotional connections beyond romantic relationships.) When we feel we have encountered a person that is a soul friend, it awakens a feeling of our own soul. That warm familiarity we get with someone, that feeling we somehow know them, tells us the universe we inhabit is driven and directed by powerful, loving and magical forces .The meaningless drift was just a temporary illusion as the curtain is pulled back to reveal a life full of significance, worth and love. Our fated paths have crossed as a part of wider ,more cosmic narrative that we are somehow part of .
As often these relationship are romantic and often they can be catalyst for huge changes in people lives. People suddenly wake up thinking â€œWhy am I doing this?â€ â€œWhoâ€™s life am I living?â€ We sense life is too short and too important to be wasted to be with people we have stopped loving or situations that limit and holds us back. Once we have tasted the fruit of those new and meaningful feelings, it is very difficult to just pretend it never happened. All this said, a bigger danger people can face it being aware of the power a new connection may have on us and as a result secretly hide our souls in anticipation of that bond.
If someone asked me what is the best way to attract that depth of union, I would suggest to start living your life with your soul open to the world to see. That begins with understanding and nurturing that awareness of our soul, spiritual centre, cosmic self, spirit or whatever name you choose to call it. Work to make â€œsoul choicesâ€, choices that come from a deeper understanding of who we are and our relationship with that part of ourselves and that part of life. We all deserve to feel magic and meaning in our lives. The love and connection we feel for another is such a wonderful gift we have as people .It inspires us , it enlivens us, it reminds us of what is truly important .Just beware if youâ€™re not feeling that way you donâ€™t have to wait for that â€œotherâ€ person, you can start now. You can invite that deeper part of who you are into your life. You can mindfully choose to commune with your soul .Itâ€™s that ever-present flame that burns within each of, producing feelings of unity, connection, love, kindness and peace. Itâ€™s the part of us that fights nothing, as its knows everything is ok and will be ok. As you see the warmth and brilliance of your own nature it will be impossible to not start finding yourself seeing it in others. Then our life becomes celebration of our ability to love and lifeâ€™s amazing way of giving us an unending opportunities to practice this love. A quest of the heart, born from an awareness we are all worthy of tremendous love and capable of both giving it and receiving it. Give your soul a chance to breath, to be heard. As you do, I have no doubt that many fantastic people and opportunities will enter your life.
There comes a point when writing articles about relationships and personal development where I get stuck. Itâ€™s hard not to feel that you just end up writing different version of Â the same topics. The truth is this is the case but itâ€™s more of a honest reflection of the way life and relationship themselves unfold. Often we are dealing with the same things over and over, the same themes, the same issues, the same conflicts, the same dilemmas. Each time we go through a cycle we hope for a better understanding or more insight and awareness of whatâ€™s happening .
If only they called more…..
Life ends up feeling like a spiral more than a Â straight line. One of the themes I have talked about before is how relationships are our mirrors to ourselves, how we view others, tells us more about ourselves than the people we are judging or forming opinions on. This is almost an instinctual habit in us that itâ€™s hard at times to really gain distance from, due to how frequently we go about this. In psychic readings the most common occurrence of this is when a person wants other person to be another way in order to make them feel more safe, secure or reassured. For instance someone we are in love with or involved with, becomes emotionally distant and stops communicating. This can then trigger a anxiety or feeling of unease that compels the person to want the other person to go back to the way they were before, to keep loving them or keep giving them the feeling that made them feel so good before. It Â is within the midst of these moments we have a golden opportunity to shift our perceptive, to bring to ourselves more happiness and more contentment.
Its our “thoughts” not the other person that is the problem..
The thought â€œThey should call more oftenâ€ when we are faced with a reality that they donâ€™t and it appears they are not going to, creates a high level of stress and frustration .We put our focus into hoping and wishing they would do what we want. We want our internal discomfort to ease by an external reality that we have no say or no control over. We set ourselves up to feel stressed and unhappy just by the thought â€œThey should call more oftenâ€ which really translate â€œThey should do what I want ,to make me feel what I wantâ€. If we are able to examine this thought and put our focus not shifting reality but shifting the thought.
Part 1: Self-love Defined
Why is it that we end up making the most simplest of things the most complicated? One of these has to be the simple, yet complex, task of allowing ourselves to love and care for ourselves. In other words having self-love, which I define as having warm, caring and compassionate feelings towards yourself. When you examine whatâ€™s involved in the actual process of self-love you can see that it makes perfect sense from all angles to have self-love, yet, despite its obvious appeal and benefits, its feeling and experience is, for many of us, elusive and out of reach. Habit and our conditioning override the sheer practical sense of loving yourself.
What self-love is and what it isnâ€™t…
To truly grasp the need and benefit of self-love you first have to distinguish it from ego infatuation, vanity and narcissism which have nothing to with self-love. Self-love is a feeling and an action based on the intrinsic knowing and awareness that you have value and worth in the universe. It is like that warm care and appreciation that you have for your best friend but in this case it is for yourself. Itâ€™s the feeling that you count, not above or below anyone else, but just in your own right. It is the sense that you are deserving of good things and good people because you yourself are good-natured. Self-love is also humble and unpretentious as, when we truly love yourself, all those insecurities that drive you to prove yourself, dominate, control and assert start to go. These insecurities arise from a feeling that you need to do things â€œout thereâ€ in order to feel better inside. When you love yourself you enjoy other peopleâ€™s success without fear of how you look because your value is not based on what you have done or achieved but purely by the fact that you are alive. Self-love allows you to accept your faults and failures and at the same time be open to improving and growing. The care that you feel towards yourself compels you to want to change out of self-love rather than blame and a hypercritical inner voice. Blame and criticism will never give us the change we trying to make. We canâ€™t â€œhate ourselvesâ€ into changing.
Self-love is the least selfish thing in the world…
Another misperception is that self-love is selfish; that loving yourself is about always choosing what you want above what other people want. Genuine self-love puts us in touch with, not only our own needs, but quite often the needs of others as well. When we examine selfish action and we look at what drives us to be inconsiderate, rude, self-centred and the like, itâ€™s usually a very limited and fear-based view of ourselves and the universe. â€œI will do what I want when I want and damn whoever has a problem with thatâ€ is not self-love. To be loving towards myself means I consider my actions and how they affect other people. Wanting others to be happy is good for me and the greatest way I can contribute to their happiness is of course to be happy myself. When I am content, at peace and good humoured (all feelings that come from self-love) and I am not wrapped up the insular world of me and all my issues, I am then better able to handle life and be there for the people around me. So, to really love yourself is the greatest gift and way to be of service to others; it is in fact the least selfish thing you can do.