How do you make sure you needs are meet in your relationship?

There are fundamental needs and drives that compel most humans. These are broader and basic drives then many aspects of our relationships and psychical environment are often shaped around. I would consider these following the most fundamental
1. The need to feel secure
2. The need to feel in control
3. The need to feel special/separate
4. The need to feel connection.
This isn’t an official list, rather just what comes to mind when break down other more detailed or nuanced needs, then general end up following back on one or a combination of the four mentioned above. For example the need for close friends can be seen to be an expression of the need for connection and security. Telling your teenage daughter what time they are expected home by may come from a need to feel in control. Letting all your friends know about your big promotion may come from the need to feel special and different from others. So all of us in way or the other over the course of a day expend energy and time on getting these needs meet .Even those who spend the whole day focused on fulfilling someone else’s needs, can still be tied into their need to feel secure.
Its not hard to observe the vast different in others.in the very same way each of us is unique in our psychical characteristic, our emotional behaviour has its own unique configuration as well. We come into this world with you might say core template that is then shaped and influence by our environment and spontaneous mix of nature and nurture. So as babies we have very core drives at work, the drive for security and the drive for connection. Each time a babies cries in hunger and is then fed lovingly by the mother, there is an attachment loop being re-enforced .It brain is being hardwired to feel that it needs are being meet, which allows them to feel secure and safe .Criminologist have now conclude that the majority of violent crimes occur with people that didn’t get that feeling of being attached and being secure during their infant and childhood years. There is now and immense amount of studies and data that show how fundamental attachment during childhood is to the way we live our adult lives .As it’s in these years, we are taught and programed how to see the world, our relationship and most critically where we see ourselves in all of it. This conditioning literally hardwires the brains neurologically pathways that transcend our normal conscious thoughts, which you might say get layered on over these basic patterns. This is why many people feel at times baffled about why they keep making the same mistake or keep choosing the wrong guy, unaware we are acting out an unconscious method that aims at fulfilling a deeper need. . The problem is they needs and the methods we go about having them fulfilled may run contrary to your thinking mind wants for itself. As choosing a person that ends up rejecting us maybe rerun of some part of childhood where we were taught that being rejected is what happens when we reach out for our need of connection. That we found a kind of security and anchor when we play the role of being rejected. Although this is a little simplistic it just illustrates how we can do one thing in our conscious mind but are actual truly being govern by our sub-conscious training regarding he best way to get our needs meet. As we can’t escape our the compelling drive behind having our needs meet, no more than we can supress or ignore our need for food and water. So if we just assume this drive for having a needs meet is happening one way or an other, the question then is about our we having these need meet in a way that is honest, healthy and fulfilling. To answer that we then need to really open a door to self-discovery.
There I am sure some pretty basic ways we own how we get our needs meet Maybe we are quite conscious about the fact we crave approval and compliments with the awareness that receiving this type of positive attention makes us feel secure. Its here we have an opportunity at first to just understand and take ownership of the fact this is exactly what we do and why we do it. Second, we can then ask the question “Is this an effective way to feel secure? Are the other way to feel secure that don’t rely on getting constant positive feedback?” There is nothing wrong with posgtive feedback and praise but when it becomes a way to fulfil a basic need then get a disproportionate place in our mind and feelings. What we wear, how we look, the status we hold, the money we earn, the people we mix with, the views we hold, the newspaper we read, the study we have done all of these and more can be shaped and sold in a way solely about getting people to approve of us and compliment us. We can invest huge chunks or our time and attention in a method of feeling secure that at its heart can only ever briefly and fleetingly meet that need. As the act we think we need to promote or get others to see to get the attention we are looking for will never get a day off .The very nature of how this need is fulfilled require the same a amount of water it takes to fifll a bucket with a hole. As being admired or told we are wonderful never really gives us deep and peaceful sense of being secure, we have to keep investing, keep trying over and over, deluding ourselves that we a bit more effort we can get there. All of us have our own version of this circular and delude method of getting our needs meet. Maybe for us its about having control over others, or being a people pleaser , what it is doesn’t matter as such, rather it’s a question of is this the best way to get this certain need meet.
As looking at the example above we start to see that maybe for this person the feeling of being worth and whole being understood as innate attribute that isn’t earns or acquired , could bring them the sense of security that really does feel peaceful and maintainable. So with the same energy that put into getting other to think they are great, is instead redirected to learning how to feel that wholeness, what blocks them from that and how can they practise and integrate this into there every day lives .This is like plugging the hole and actually for once filling up the bucket.T his is replacing a tired and ceaseless struggle that never quite get there with an simple ,long-lasting and authentic way to really feel secure and really have that need meet.
This is the one thing I am starting to learn when it comes to personal growth and becoming happier in my life is it is not about new things I need to know or do, rather it’s about unlearning what I already know .I think in most of us have that innate ,kind and contented part of us. It resides deep with our minds and there times we get glimpses but we refuse to question that part of that thinks it knows better, that is convinced this time will be different .Our ego are very cunning when it comes to doing everything possible to change except the most obvious and straightforward things. So to begin with there is a level of humility and openness required. There is also a weariness required with the ways we employ not working. Its takes many, many experiences that end in things not being where we want them, happening over and over again until we final sit up and thinking that maybe there is something inside of ourselves that need to be look at. So with that humility, openness we can explore how our needs are meet and bring our focus to unlearning what once may have work and allowing our own natural and connected to self to come through.

What is lurking in the shadows?

Psychic Medium Ewan Nicholson explores how facing the things we hide in our “shadow self” ,can enable us to find more peace in our lives.

The idea of facing our shadow self sounds scary. Yet the process of facing our shadow self is fundamental in terms of living a relaxed and contented life. What is the shadow self? According to Wikipedia the Jungian definition of the Shadow is both

(1) The entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious

(2) An unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not recognize in itself. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one’s personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects which may also remain hidden in one’s shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem)

Running parallel to the development of our shadow, we also build defences and walls to protect others from seeing our shadow self, as the fear built deep within our psyche is “if I expose of all my bad qualities it will result in not being loved.” Yet in the end the person we hide this part from is actually ourselves. Through denial, suppression, distraction and avoidance, we can go as far as shaping our whole lives around not looking at this part of who we are.

Hiding what we don’t like.

The process of how it develops is an inevitable evolution of knowing how we learn to integrate and live harmoniously in our environment. There are some emotions and feelings that are necessary to temper or hold back. So if we are told from very early age that “anger” is not acceptable and we are punished for it or feel intense disapproval as result of expressing anger we gradually place it in our shadow. As we have progressively associated being angry with not being loved, we filter this emotion out or certainly limit its appearance. Yet anger does have a healthy aspect of defining boundaries and sticking up for what we want and what we deserve. In holding back our anger we may hold back our confidence. An other example is our sexuality. This huge aspect of ourselves can often be assigned to our shadow self. In our culture, society, religion and often families there can be very fixed beliefs about sexuality being tied into morality and character. Feelings that may be very natural and healthy may be labelled sinful, depraved and morally repugnant. Yet the banishing of these feelings to our shadow self does not make them go away. They sit within our shadow self, repressed and festering, looking for an outlet but confined by rigid belief systems. As you often see these famous Christian evangelical preachers who condemn homosexuality publicly but end up getting exposed in some lurid , debauched gay orgy .It seems the deeper the feelings are suppressed, the more extreme the outing of those feeling are. Like a sexual pressure cooker that just explodes.

Is there a secret formula to finding a happy and fulfilling relationship?

Psychic Medium Ewan Nicholson explores what formula, if any, is there to finding a loving and fulfilling relationship and how psychic readings may help someone get there.

Throughout my time as a professional psychic, my work has ended up being about helping people through common themes. The most frequent area of life I deal with is romantic relationships.Time and time again clients come up against genuinely stressful and disappointing  scenarios in the course of trying to find happiness in there love life. From being involved with a person who can’t commit, to being single and struggling  to meet someone special , to falling in love with a married person, to breaking up with a person who you yearn to be together again .All these situations are unique but they also share common characteristics and invoke common  feelings and thoughts. What is great about the similarities we share with others, is our common problems provides with the opportunity for a common solution.

I truly believe, that each person has the ability to create and attract  relationships into their life which are secure, fulfilling and beneficial. Our desire for closeness is healthy and it is often  our close relationship  that provide us with the meaning and depth each us yearn for in life. Closeness also brings colour and vibrancy into our lives ,which can be well needed when we are immerse in a society that is often automated and  impersonal .Yet when you have genuinely endeavoured  to find that closeness and repeatedly fail to do so over a period of years, it is easy to start to doubt the legitimacy of that need . What we once would have deemed cynical and pessimistic we now call this thinking as being “realistic”. We may find ourselves vacillating from somewhat depressed “can’t be bother”  which after period of time our need for closeness and connection prompts  to make and “effort” in which we venture out with all our past hurts and fears. Wary that if history repeats itself it gets harder and harder to keep trying but the longer we go without the love we are seeking more we may yearn for that closeness and connection. So we are faced with conundrum “I want a close relationship but I don’t want to set myself to feel disappointed and let down”

I find it a great honour to able to support and guide people towards a place where they are able to find that love and peace within themselves and their relationships .In my personal and professional experience, I have no doubt that the fastest way through a problem  is to be able to ask for help and support. Although in the end we all have to take responsibility for our life and choices, knowing we are not alone in our issues and that others do care about our well-being, makes the whole process a lot more easier and lot less tiring. It also encouraging knowing other have been where we are and they managed to find a way forward ,into more loving and rewarding relationships.

They don’t return calls, txt, emails and they have totally cut off………What next?

In my readings I come cross situations where a person gets involved with a person who at some point in that involvement that just cuts off. Not in way that  where they are back in touch two weeks later, this is a cutting off as in total “off the radar”,  permanent, no talk, no returning of text or calls, no reply to emails, being delete from facebook, a total and complete shutdown,shut off  and exit from their life.

This often is without explanation or closure. They don’t give a reason as to why they have just decided they never want to talk to you again. As a result you are just left guessing and making wild stabs in the dark. This can be very confusing and conflicting for a person. They may well still holding very strong and intense feelings for that person that they are just left wondering what to do with them. Because the person has cut off hasn’t sat down and told them “um sorry to say that this is our last conversation we are ever going to have, after this I will never to speak to you again or reply to any of your communication , these are my reason why blah blah blah ,so don’t hold out for me or think anything else other than I am out of your life for good, good bye and good luck.

Now that would be a hell of punch in the emotional guts but in reality it would allow the person at a minimum to move on. They know to expect nothing and any attempt to get more than nothing would be meet with nothing as promised. As this type of blunt and forthright statements are rarely made to the person left .So most are left with two difficult questions.

1 Why did they do this?

2. Will they every  be back in touch and if so when?

Although every person and situation is different there are common motivations as to why a person would do this. The first and most obvious is guilt, couple with being a coward .If someone has decided that they no longer want to continue, rather than dragging it out they find it easier to just cut off .They can rationalise this by thinking after a while the other person will get the message. Because they may have made some big emotional promise and possibly fuelled the very feelings they are cutting off from, there strong sense of guilt. Rather than facing the hurt and pain they are part responsible for ,it’s a lot easier to just run away and be a relationship coward .In my opinion there is also an other  more unconscious motive for not giving reasons and no closure.  It allows that person the possibility of re-appearing, if or when they want to. As they have not told the person to move on and let go, it becomes subtle way of leaving slight backdoor open to return.

Painful events always happen for a reason…um accept when they happen to me

Often in my readings I share with people the value of seeing the meaning and purpose in all of how life unfolds. I tell them when there in a painful scenario, that everything happens for a reason and nothing is by chance and nothing is inherently negative, challenging yes but negative no. This perspective is nothing new and has been repeated and phrased differently by many people, over many centuries. For me it’s a view that makes sense and can really help people gain perspective when we come up against difficult times.

Though I truly believe in the meaning of all things, it is something that is certainly easier said than done. The challenge of truly integrating this outlook I have lately felt in my own life. Recently I have ended up entangled in situation that has been very stressful, disconcerting and difficult to get my head around and make peace with. It has involved  the buying of property and the work involved taking from a empty plot of land into a liveable house. It’s a horrible feeling to know you have shafted while at the same time you know there is nothing on practical level you can do about it. What can then make it even worse is looking back and being honest about that fact that I put myself exactly where I am, maybe through unfounded trust, gullibility and lack of thoroughness in investigating what I was getting into but none the less it arose from choices I made. Then on top of all that I am aware that it hasn’t been the first time I have ended up on the raw end of a deal. As I you thought I had  learnt my lesson only that I obviously haven’t

The bottom line is according to my own perspective that  I espouse to my clients ,my own tough situation has happened for a reason, something good will come of it and the best thing I can do is accept it with a loving detachment. Umm I think…do I really say that to people? Umm this is not easy ,feeling so wronged and then asking of myself to see it as so right. As I can’t get it out of my head how this has set me back,I can’t seem to let go of the anger of feel toward myself , the supposed victim and them the supposed  villains .I have imaginary conversation and confrontations putting  it all right and getting justice, even though I know this will never happen. Up to now the only measurable outcome of what I have been going through is stress and struggle.

How Easter can help us let go of relationship pain and start anew.

Easter is here again .I have the important duty of working out where to hide my children’s Easter eggs .Being three and four years  old girls, they have to be hidden well enough for them to have fun but not too hard that they end up crying because they can’t find any(I have to make sure I remember to ,so one melted egg does show up three months from now) .As I walked through the  supermarket  looking for my essential  chocolate  mini-eggs I was surrounded by rows and rows of chocolate themed eggs . Easter is here and there no getting away from it, literally!  Malta ,the island I live in strange mix of overt  and celebrated Catholicism and stock standard  chocolate coated consumerism of modern Easter. Although I am no longer a practicing Christian, for myself there is powerful symbolism  surrounding Easter and central religious focus of the death of Jesus Christ  ,his pain, his betrayal, his death and the his eventual  resurrection. To me the ritual of Easter  possibly has more relevance and bearing to our own lives than we may think.

The story of Christ’s death and resurrection  tells us that even in the darkest and most difficult times, when we feel the most forsaken and alone , out of this pain there is the hope of renewal, re-birth and new beginnings. When we are in the midst of this hurting it can  be easy to forget this fact. There comes a point where we just don’t see the light, we  are  enmeshed with   our troubles  that is hard to see or understand the wider more meaningful narrative that we are part of. Yet in the same way our happy moments pass, so do our bad ones. The pain can often be prolonged not by the problem or event that started it, but rather through our unwillingness to truly let go and surrender our want for things to be different to what they where or are.

The difficult part is some feelings we can’t “partially”  let go of. Christ didn’t just partially suffer , he died on the cross .His rebirth  and accent into heaven could only occur once that death had taken place. Often in life we are faced with these realities, where the only way to truly have fresh start is to sincerely let go and die to what we are holding on to. Do this we must be willing to surrender our wilfulness, our need for an expected outcome and start trusting in the unseen forces that take hold once we hand over our pain over.

Can our dreams be a window into life after death?

It is tricky process in life to understand and know the difference between knowing something to be true and believe in the possibility of its truth. This is particularly so when comes to grey and subjective areas of consciousness and reality , life and death. We have feelings and inkling based on our experiences and what we have been taught and learnt. We work to make sense of the world and our life’s by piecing together these fragments of insights to build a graspable and some kind of meaningfulness picture of the life we occupy. Yet no matter how convincing our convictions maybe regarding the nature of reality we are always limited and defined by the apparatus which does the adding up ,namely ourselves. Like the eye seeing the eye, we can only see ourselves through ourselves, creating an inbuilt and inarguable bias. Even if our views our reinforced via a mass consensus , it does not prove it’s truth, as the 18 million people  in Europe during the 14^th century   discovered when the world turned out “not” to be flat.

All this brings me to this basic question regarding the truth of my own intuitions.  Some basics in life I don’t question, the fact I love my partner and kids, the fact I like and dislike certain things .These truths seem self evident and don’t even warrant questioning in the first place. Yet there are other that do, other questions that I find very difficult to conclusively answer . That’s the funny thing with my mind, instead of just accepting the fact I may well never really know something’s, such what happens when we die, instead my mind grapples and wrestles , questions and probes. As I discuss these things with my family and partner, there is a prevailing view that I think too much, not only that, but the stuff I think about is redundant and unanswerable .In addition they point out that I am wasting what I have of life, being pr-occupied with “after-life”, as its an outcomes I can’t alter or change, in a future that has yet to occur, in short wasting life with pointless questions

These conclusions are hard to argue against, as its true , no matter what think about life after death , it will be what it is and no matter how much I query and think , none of my ruminations will make an iota of difference in the reality of my death.  Yet even knowing the incontrovertible truth of this logic, these questions still persist and bother me. As all actions, thoughts and events crescendo towards this outcomes of all outcomes. Like rip on the shore of the beach, it pulls us nearer and nearer as are struggles to avoid it are to no avail ,as there is no escape and no getting away from with it.

The Law of Attraction: True or False?

Since the release of the book and movie the Secret a few years ago the principles of the law of attraction (LOA) has become more popular and more known among people that are working to improve their lives .Like the “Celestine Prophecy” twenty years ago, “The Secret” has got the interest of people that would not normally go for those kind of books. In my readings often the subject of the LOA comes up and many people are still unsure of its validity or truth.

What is the law of attraction ? My basic understand of how the LOA works is that if you focus on something you want and you set your heart and intention in that direction that you will be able to manifest that into reality, be it a new loving relationship, more money or a successful business ,I think the only caveat is that your wishes can’t be negative and have to be harmonious to work.

So for me that basic principle I feel does has some merit and some truth. If you focus on what you want , rather than what you don’t want, I can see how it’s a possible to bring into reality the object of your intentions. The truth is people are doing it all the time, be it losing weight, completing a medical degree, sailing around the world solo .All these act are the result of a determined vision and the action to back it up. The issues for many people though is when they apply these principles and they seem unable to attract that outcome into their lives. Within “The Secret” they would say that if you have not been able to “make it happen”, then your somehow you’re  not doing it right or not trying hard enough. This could be seen a convenient logic that ensures the principle of LOA to be totally fail safe.As when it doesn’t get attracted then it’s something inside of you that’s blocking it  and when it does get attracted, well then the LOA is happy to take the credit.

So it’s at this point part of me feels unsure about the LOA ,not as principle but rather the context or drive behind why people use it. When you watch the Secret it’s hard not to feel at times there are people using the LOA like wish list to a cosmic Santa Claus, Ferrier, untold wealth, you name it you can have it,  all you have to do is employ this method (and buy the book and DVD course ) and hey presto! Next thing you know Fed Ex is knocking on your door to deliver you ten gold bullions! This permission to desire whatever you want and think that you could actually “have it all” fills people with a kind of ecstatic glee.

Yet when you examine the nature of say, “ Manifesting a Red Ferrier” through the LOA, it’s difficult not to see that as a shallow whim of the ego. Then take wanting a new romance, what part of that desire is coming that an emptiness and insecurity that your hoping a new relationship will fill the void from? So then if the person wanting the “new car” and “new love” are unable to make it happen, then rather than seeing that are not “trying hard enough” with LOA, maybe there is deeper message  that is the universe saying that although this maybe what they “want”, it maybe not what they “need”.

The funny  thing is that I have observed that many times when a person is able to let of their desire and just be open, it is then able to come into their life in natural and less stressful way.As I think there is a difference between           fixating on specific outcome as “The Secret” encourages at times ie. The look, height, profession, age and foot size of your future soul mate , then there is of having a broad intention to share your heart and bring more love into your life and be open to how the universe see fit  the best manner of how and when that comes into your life.

Another potential issue with LOA it directs our mind and thinking towards the future(even though they say to imagine these outcome to be present now, it’s still a future focused thinking). To affirm and put energy into creating things we are “yet to have” we  are projecting ourselves into the future .This mental fast-forward works on the assumption  that once  the power of LOA is harnessed and  I “attract it ” into my life, I will  then  be somehow be happier or more content. Yet as many people experience, if these desires are ego driven(which I am not saying all are), the ego has way of never being satisfied and always wanting more. What if instead of focusing on what we wanted, could it be more productive to work on being content with what we have? The problem is in a give me more,more , more society, learning to be happy with what we have isn’t  easiest of sells. I will reveal secret that will empower you to attract whatever you want into your life, well that’s not so hard to sell.

Yet there is a lot of spiritual disciplines  that focus on being content with what we have.The spiritual teacher Byron Katie has built a whole system of knowledge and personal development on the single and simple principle of learning to love “what is”. From her point of view, all of our suffering and stress come from our resistance and struggle to what is. At times when I found myself really moving into that space of “loving what is” there enters a peace and serenity where I felt  no need for the LOA  , as in that moment I am feeling complete with where I am and what I have .Also in the process of loving what is, we are also confront with need to surrender and hand things over to the universe with the sudden awaking that maybe not everything that happens in the universe is about ourselves.

So in my personal opinion I think  the LOA is has measure of both truth and falsehood.  I do think there is a truth in the LOA, in the sense that we do attract much of our reality by the nature of what we think and feel . We have  all seen it in action by coming into contact with a really negative person, who just always seems to attract disaster and hardship, for as they expect, so does it happen.  At same time I think it’s a false logic that tells us the object of life should be all about getting what we want. As within that there is a danger of it becoming a very “ ME,ME,ME” based approach that could easily pit our desires and wishes against the ebbs and flows of life and other people.

So I think if you use the LOA from a basis of self contentment and awareness that often the great treasure in life arrived in packages we first think we don’t want or don’t need, then it can have some real value and power. Yet what’s interesting for me when reflect on  the most profound  moments of  my life that I have felt peace and serenity, it has not come when I have finally attracted into my life what I wanted but its been when I have made some kind of peace with what is.  And that is I guess the point for me, as my search for meaning and happiness has evolved, I have endevoured to use  less of my energy on how I can utilize the universes abundance and potential to further my own success and desires and more of  my attention towards letting go and accepting life on lifes terms (a process I might add, that I have  to keep bring myself back all the time) . The result of this is being able to have glimpses or fleeting  but magical moments where I have nothing to do, nothing to get, nowhere to go but just be where I am , with who I am. It’s like I suddenly realise that after all my searching and struggling,  that the place I was so desperately
trying to get to , I find out I am actually already there and in that place ,I have everything  I need.Then I see the real irrefutable evidence that the universe has a sense of humour,  is I had it all along

Book Review: I Can See Clearly Now: How Synchronicity Illuminates Our Lives

I will be trying to put up more links to books , movies and inspiration people that I really like .Here is a book about synchronicity  and coincidence. It’s a really well written and inspirational book. As well as explaining what synchronicity is and how it works, she gives practical tips and insights in how to see it and apply in one’s own life. Although I can’t say I am big into the Angel side of things I still would really recommend it.  It has 22 five star reviews I think for good reason.

Here is the Amazon description..

When Mary Soliel woke up to the reality of synchronicity, she realized we are all constantly graced with meaningful signs, not mere coincidences, through our relationships, nature, numbers, events—basically all things this world is made up of. In I Can See Clearly Now, she shares her twelve-year spiritual odyssey that began with an awareness of these mysterious forces that guide, validate, and help us live our lives.

You’ll be amazed by her many stories of nearly unbelievable occurrences of perfectly timed, exquisite signs, including those that miraculously and repetitively delivered a monumental message of hope for our future. I Can See Clearly Now will help you: • Recognize the synchronicities that bless your life. • Decide for yourself whether ours is a random or deliberate Universe. • Tap into your intuition to decipher meanings of synchronicities and become a conscious creator. • Know that your angels want you to call on them for help and guidance. • Create miracles through gratitude, unconditional love, and forgiveness. • Release negative self-thoughts that run your life, learn how to heal yourself, and recreate by “choosing again.”

Link to the book

http://www.amazon.com/Can-See-Clearly-Now-Synchronicity/dp/0595458602/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Here is a link to her web site.Has some great resources

http://marysoliel.com/

Dealing with Distance: What to do when someone you care about cuts off all contact.

If there one topic or issue that would be a reoccurring theme within my readings it would the issue of dealing with someone close cutting off or pulling away to the extent all communication has come to a halt. The person is often left with questions, concerns and general feeling of things being “unfinished”. Afterwards they then wonder if there holding on is based on  an intuition or some massive denial disguised as an ongoing connection. The problem is there is not a formula or general rule to apply to these situations. Each scenario is unique and particular to the two people involved.  Often the non-communication ends and things start back up again, other times it really is the finally curtain call for the relationship. Trying to know which one you’re in is often the purpose of people having a psychic reading. As their knife-like silence and absence creates a deep anxiety and fretful feeling that gnaws away at the person stomach. They know that to keep texting my make them look like a stalker which they don’t want to be perceived as  and they may have even suffered the modern  “slap-down” of a Facebook friend delete, which just furthers the panic. All this creates a heightened  sense of having no control over the outcome. We are not willing or wanting to let go but the other hand person has decide for now, they do. So what do you do? Is there any secret psychic trick that can get them to txt and get back in touch? The good news is there are things you can do to help you feel better and move forward. Bad news is there is no tricks and secret to get them to do anything, in that regards that silly annoying thing of peoples personal free will keeps getting in the way So for now it’s best to just stick with working on oneself as the most effective solution.

Getting in the right place

First thing I would try become aware of is that if there is any emotional state  you can move into that  may help compel them to re-communicate, it is less likely to be when you are feeling insecure, needy, desperate or any of those type of feelings. Let’s face it, when any of us feels those type of feelings from someone our basic gut reaction is pull away. If they are have already pulled back, dumping your insecurities in their direction will probably ensure more and more distance between the two of you. The hard part about not feeling so insecure, is the very act of someone we care about pulling away naturally invokes an insecure feelings. We are left with an emotional vacuum that their distance has now created , which is not easy to be indifferent to. The key here to not allowing the insecurity to spill over is to really try understand its root cause. It may seem to be about the other person but in truth whatever we feeling starts someplace inside ourselves .When someone cuts off we are bound to feel rejected .This can bring up feelings of low self worth and feelings of not being lovable .Even though we know they have pulled away for their own reasons we still personalising and think they on some level there is something wrong with us that has forced them away .If we really believe that is the truth, then it make sense we want to fix it on some level ,as we are attributing their distance to being our fault. What you may find helpful is to really start working on affirming to yourself how valued and worthy you really are,independent of what they do.As you sit with the feeling of being at peace with yourself you will find that the urge or intensity of wanting to communicate, or needing them to communicate will lift. Maybe not totally but enough for you to feel it’s made a difference As some of what you feel is your genuine desire to be back in touch but a large part of what going on is how insecure their distance has suddenly made you feel. By reminding yourself that you have no reason to feel insecure and you are whole and worthy ,will  help shift something in yourself focus wise .As the very act  concentrating first on your self worth  moves the focus away from them to you.