Three Feet away from you Stands the Most Powerful Self-help Guru you will Ever Meet

Relationships as Our Teacher I remember reading how relationships are the number one way to help us grow and develop as people. No matter how many self-help books you read or meditating mantra’s you learn, nothing beats relationships as a means to expand ourselves. I would hear or read this theory time and time again and I understood it on an intellectual level but, for whatever reason, the true value of its meaning never really clicked. Then, with time and the occurrence of a number of relationship issues in my own life, I started to feel and experience what this concept means. Relationships – in particular the more challenging ones – are in factor our greatest teachers. Why? Well it comes back to another age-old piece of wisdom, about knowing yourself.

Relationships show us who we are…

To know who we are unlocks a key to our destiny and our fundamental relationship with the universe. To know ourselves we have to become self-aware, we have to take the blindfold off our defensives and ego and see clearly the way we are and what is truly going on inside of us. But, how can we really see our behaviour when our view of ourselves is always clouded by our own inherent bias and conditioning?  How can we let go of things we don’t know exist? This is where the power of relationships comes in. They are the magic mirror on the wall that reflects the clear view of us.

Our perception creates our reality…

Our relationships reveal two things to us. Firstly, our own view of the universe and the world around us and, secondly, other people’s view and experience of us. Let us look at an example. I’m sitting down at a bar, comfortably settled on a stool, glass of cold beer in my hand and munching on peanuts. You come in and join me. I start to share my philosophy of life and people with you. I tell you that there are two types of people in this world. There are untrustworthy scam artists who are out to steal, cheat and exploit at every opportunity and then there are gullible suckers who are dumb enough to trust in others at their own peril. Do you think that that perspective is actually reality and a fact of all of humanity? Or, do you think that this person is sharing a view of people based on their own experience of life? If you were to believe this to be true, how do you think it would affect the way in which you relate to others? How would it influence your ability to be close to others and to accept unconditional kindness and love? Maybe for this person they did at one point in life trust others. I am sure that to see the world this way isn’t an inherent belief from birth but rather it’s a perspective that has developed based on their experiences and how they have responded to these experiences. If you believe in a self-created universe, the fact is that if this person really does see people in this way, eventually this view will be mirrored back to them in the way people treat them. This will then only reinforce their beliefs and so the cycle continues.

The Cure to Commitment Phobia Revealed

The Cure for Commitment Phobia Revealed!

The first flush of love…. When we enter a new relationship we tend to wonder how serious the relationship will be. It is a normal human quality to project into the future with our private fantasies of what could be, even if we have only had one date! Then the dates progress, weeks and months pass, and we enter these weird stages when we know them enough to be sure we like them, but not enough to ask them about their feelings. It is also during this period the unspoken rules and boundaries of a relationship are established, as enough time has passed to see patterns and precedents being set up. Often it is now that we start becoming aware that the person we find ourselves really liking may not be giving to the relationship in the same way or with the same priority and importance that we do. This is when it can start to feel complicated. It’s a time when it starts to dawn on us that maybe this person is unable to commit.

John and Betty and the same old story… The other day, when I was out for coffee with friends, two friends shared their tales of commitment woe with me.

“Mike is a fantastic guy”, said Betty. “He is everything I ever dreamed of. We have such wonderful times together; it’s just that our contact is so inconsistent. Some weeks we speak to each other daily and I’ll spend the whole weekend with him. Other weeks I don’t hear from him at all; he doesn’t even return my messages.” Then John piped in: “After my divorce I never thought that I would meet another woman that I could love. Then I found Carol and everything changed. I feel as if we are perfect together and I want us to take our relationship to the next level, but every time I mention anything along the lines of settling down, she seems to withdraw, quickly changes the subject or has a reason to leave the room. I don’t understand it. We are so close in every other way, but this is a topic where she simply won’t let me in.”

What I heard were two loving people unsure of what to do and how to move forward. I am sure that if you have dealt with a person who is afraid of commitment you will be able to relate.

What could be blocking you from finding the right relationship in your life?

When you are battling to find the loving relationship that you want, you need to consider what may be blocking you. In my previous article I discussed the principles behind attracting a loving relationship into your life. We saw that there are two main areas where we struggle in the process of attracting what we want in our lives. They are: letting go and clear intention. So, in this article, I am going to discuss the obstacles that may lie in these areas when you are having difficulty finding the right relationship.

Coming from a space of self-content… Make sure that you are ready for a relationship. If you have not resolved old hurts or if you are currently in the throws of life difficulties, you cannot be receptive to what you desire.

If you always seem to be in the “wrong” relationship, look at yourself. What negative aspect of yourself is that relationship reflecting? If the relationship is lacking in love, perhaps you need to find self-love. Until you resolve this issue, each relationship you experience will show you the importance of loving yourself.

When we are searching for a partner and don’t seem to be getting anywhere, it is easy to start to despair. However, despair turns you against the flow of the Universe. Despair will cause you to push harder in your search whilst chasing all of you opportunities away.

Remember that if you hang onto fears and negative thoughts, you cannot join the dance of the Universe; and it is this connection that brings you what you desire. You need to be content within yourself, and have let go of the events and emotions that hold you back, before seeking a loving relationship.

You may be sabotaging yourself…

Often we can be thinking and saying what we want but, on a deeper level, we are actually working against ourselves and sabotage any chance of success. There are always many paths that self-sabotage can take, but consider these two in your search for understanding this situation:

• Perhaps you have been hurt previously and your fear of future rejection is so great that it prevents you from allowing yourself to have the loving relationship that you can – and that you deserve.
• Maybe you are scared or unwilling to move out of your comfort zone. You may have had many years on your own, free to your own habits; or, you may fear trying new activities and visiting different places

Clarity on your intentions…

How Do You Know When A Married Man Will Leave His Wife?

The Essence of a Relationship with a Married Man Being in a relationship with a married man is complicated and lends itself towards much confusion on both parties’ sides. It is certainly not an uncommon situation: over 40% of marriages fail and often the breakup involved a third party. The complications begin with how the affair came about in the first place.

The scenarios…

A married man could actively seek out an affair or it could be something that somehow happens and then they end up in a position where they are confused and unclear. Either way, the relationship has an unnatural tinge to it, mixed up with the dynamic of the man’s marriage and all of the questions around the future.

In some cases the man is very clear about the fact that they only want an affair – whether they state it openly or not. They have no intention whatsoever of leaving their partner. Some men know in their hearts that they will leave their marriage and it is only a matter of time. Others are confused and honestly unsure of what they want.

The state of their marriage…

That very fact that a married person gets involved with you tells you that what is holding the marriage together is not honesty and love. The moment they engage in an affair, it says that something is broken or wrong in the marriage. This married man is caught between the size of these difficulties and their desire and willingness for something different and something new.

These issues impact your relationship with this person and are what make the situation so unnatural and difficult to unravel.

The issue of honesty…

There is a difference between a man who has a one night fling in a drunken blur after a conference and a man who consciously engages in an ongoing relationship outside of their marriage. The former may genuinely have made a mistake and may experience huge remorse and regret; however, the latter simply cannot have as much of a sense of guilt if they engage in an affair deliberately. This person is operating at a deeper level of dishonesty which must be considered.

People like to think that the affair is out of character of the man, but this must be looked at more closely. One needs to assess if this is a person who lies in other areas of their life. Is this a person with a tendency to be dishonest?

Can You Really Find Love Online?

Part 1: The Questions of Internet Dating Over the last ten years internet dating has boomed from being on the fringes and a place where nerds and serial killers lurked to a normal and accepted means of connecting and hopefully finding love.

Currently, if you meet a single person in the UK there is a 50/50 chance that they would be using some form of internet dating to meet people. In 2008, over 8 million singles in the UK used the internet to try to find love – among other things.

The difference…

As the internet has become fundamental to our everyday life, it makes sense that it can be used as a tool to connect; however, it is very far removed from the historical forms of finding love. Rather it offers a Tesco-style online ordering of a relationship. This raises certain questions regarding our traditional beliefs and expectations around love.

Does destiny still apply…

Many of us hold romantic ideals of how we could meet a person and fall in love. This is destiny or what is meant to be. These imaginings tend to take place in more normal contexts such as the work environment or friends of friends or just meeting a person out at a pub. However, the internet has now given us a unique opportunity to find people that share interests, hobbies or whatever it is you’re searching for.

This leads to one of the questions that are often on people’s minds: where does destiny come into something like internet dating? Can searching and finding someone online be fate or is it us making it happen?

Is it real?

Is connecting through internet channels natural? Is the relationship that forms real? The internet is a medium that has the potential to cut us off from each other, yet now there are these so-called connections hiding behind emails and chats.

Love across the internet…

Finally, the main question is: Does it work? Can you find love via internet dating? How can you make the most of and get the most from the process?

Human civilisation has always evolved and advanced. In the last century this has accelerated at rate almost beyond comprehension. How we have typically met the opposite sex has also changed and evolved according to the cultural and social norm of the time. Internet dating is yet another level of this process.

How Do You Attract the Loving Relationship You Want?

We have looked at what it means to attract love into your life and we have looked at why it may not be happening for you. (Click here to read the first two articles of the series). Now we address the question of how to attract the relationship you want into your life. The answer lies in using the principles of attraction in this Universe, together with cultivating self-awareness.

Nurturing clear intentions… Firstly you need to be able to assess your feelings and motives. It is through this self-awareness that you can remove any blocks that you may have to attracting what you want into your life. Ensure that you feel content and secure within yourself before you start to look for a relationship.

Being positive and knowing what we want is important in attracting our desires. Nurture clear and open intentions which, as we have discussed previously, create a receptive space around us.

Trust the Universe…

You may feel that it is all very well saying that one needs to have faith that the Universe will provide, but, how do you actually believe it? And, how can you possibly hold this trust if it has failed for you previously? Well, consider this: You can either trust the Universe or not. If you don’t, what will happen? You will remain trapped in your fears and a loving partner will remain elusive. On the other hand, you can choose to trust that the relationship you desire will flow into your life, and open yourself to it happening. It may be a difficult process, but if you work at it gradually, you’ll find you can trust a little more each day. How to let go…

Letting go is linked to trusting the Universe. Moving towards living a life without the fear and emotions that keep you trapped is also a gradual process. You can start in small ways, for example, begin with letting go of the anger or upset around a snide comment from a colleague. Over time you will find that you strengthen your ability to allow life to take its course. For this journey, you need to grow your self-awareness. You need to start to recognise when you are holding on and discover why. Knowledge is the first step in change.

Living a full life… Your world must not be focused on the one goal of finding a loving relationship; no, you need to live. Don’t avoid certain opportunities or invitations because you feel they are unlikely to lead to your meeting “the one”. If you have a steady intention, your world will be open to attracting a loving relationship in ways that perhaps you would not have thought possible. Share your love with the many around you. An open heart attracts love – and the love that you are looking for.

“Have they cut off emotionally?”. Find out what to do next!

Part 1: Cutting Off From You – What Does It Mean in a Relationship? This is not an easy or pleasant scenario for anyone to face. You could be in a situation where you have been dating for three months and getting closer and closer. You feel that the relationship is starting to get serious and you begin to look for a sense of security.

Then, perhaps they go on holiday for a week and tell you that they’ll give you a call when they get back. The holiday period passes and they should be back, but you don’t hear from them at all – no text messages or calls. A week goes by and then you start to panic, thinking all sorts of things and imagining all of the worst-case scenarios. So you decide to text them. No reply. Then, you call them and leave a message on their voicemail. Still no reply.

Maybe you know a friend of a friend of theirs and you find out that they are not dead in a tragic scuba diving accident; they are, in fact, back home and safe. For some unknown reason they have chosen not to resume what you felt was a potentially great relationship. They have cut off, pulled away, shut down; call it what you want, but all communication has ceased and you have no idea what has happened and why. All of the questions…

Now, maybe your situation came about in different way or in a different context but, nevertheless, you are facing the same thing. You are plagued with the same questions: Will they contact me? If so when? If they do call, what should I do? How long is too long? Is this person worth it?

Each situation and person is different so I can’t address all of these questions in this article; however, what I can give you are some guidelines to follow that could help. This can support you in moving forward and stepping out of the mental and emotional limbo that this situation presents. The first thing to understand…

When faced with this zero communication you need to be aware that there is a reason behind it. This may be conscious or sub-conscious but, non-communication is its own form of powerful communication. There is a great deal being said by the silence.

When a person calls or texts and says, “As much as I like you, I don’t want to continue with this relationship anymore. I’m sorry but I can’t see you anymore,” that is a break up. That is an ending and when you don’t hear form them, it’s not surprising as they have told you their reason.