Painful events always happen for a reason…um accept when they happen to me

Often in my readings I share with people the value of seeing the meaning and purpose in all of how life unfolds. I tell them when there in a painful scenario, that everything happens for a reason and nothing is by chance and nothing is inherently negative, challenging yes but negative no. This perspective is nothing new and has been repeated and phrased differently by many people, over many centuries. For me it’s a view that makes sense and can really help people gain perspective when we come up against difficult times.

Though I truly believe in the meaning of all things, it is something that is certainly easier said than done. The challenge of truly integrating this outlook I have lately felt in my own life. Recently I have ended up entangled in situation that has been very stressful, disconcerting and difficult to get my head around and make peace with. It has involved  the buying of property and the work involved taking from a empty plot of land into a liveable house. It’s a horrible feeling to know you have shafted while at the same time you know there is nothing on practical level you can do about it. What can then make it even worse is looking back and being honest about that fact that I put myself exactly where I am, maybe through unfounded trust, gullibility and lack of thoroughness in investigating what I was getting into but none the less it arose from choices I made. Then on top of all that I am aware that it hasn’t been the first time I have ended up on the raw end of a deal. As I you thought I had  learnt my lesson only that I obviously haven’t

The bottom line is according to my own perspective that  I espouse to my clients ,my own tough situation has happened for a reason, something good will come of it and the best thing I can do is accept it with a loving detachment. Umm I think…do I really say that to people? Umm this is not easy ,feeling so wronged and then asking of myself to see it as so right. As I can’t get it out of my head how this has set me back,I can’t seem to let go of the anger of feel toward myself , the supposed victim and them the supposed  villains .I have imaginary conversation and confrontations putting  it all right and getting justice, even though I know this will never happen. Up to now the only measurable outcome of what I have been going through is stress and struggle.

How Easter can help us let go of relationship pain and start anew.

Easter is here again .I have the important duty of working out where to hide my children’s Easter eggs .Being three and four years  old girls, they have to be hidden well enough for them to have fun but not too hard that they end up crying because they can’t find any(I have to make sure I remember to ,so one melted egg does show up three months from now) .As I walked through the  supermarket  looking for my essential  chocolate  mini-eggs I was surrounded by rows and rows of chocolate themed eggs . Easter is here and there no getting away from it, literally!  Malta ,the island I live in strange mix of overt  and celebrated Catholicism and stock standard  chocolate coated consumerism of modern Easter. Although I am no longer a practicing Christian, for myself there is powerful symbolism  surrounding Easter and central religious focus of the death of Jesus Christ  ,his pain, his betrayal, his death and the his eventual  resurrection. To me the ritual of Easter  possibly has more relevance and bearing to our own lives than we may think.

The story of Christ’s death and resurrection  tells us that even in the darkest and most difficult times, when we feel the most forsaken and alone , out of this pain there is the hope of renewal, re-birth and new beginnings. When we are in the midst of this hurting it can  be easy to forget this fact. There comes a point where we just don’t see the light, we  are  enmeshed with   our troubles  that is hard to see or understand the wider more meaningful narrative that we are part of. Yet in the same way our happy moments pass, so do our bad ones. The pain can often be prolonged not by the problem or event that started it, but rather through our unwillingness to truly let go and surrender our want for things to be different to what they where or are.

The difficult part is some feelings we can’t “partially”  let go of. Christ didn’t just partially suffer , he died on the cross .His rebirth  and accent into heaven could only occur once that death had taken place. Often in life we are faced with these realities, where the only way to truly have fresh start is to sincerely let go and die to what we are holding on to. Do this we must be willing to surrender our wilfulness, our need for an expected outcome and start trusting in the unseen forces that take hold once we hand over our pain over.

Book Review: I Can See Clearly Now: How Synchronicity Illuminates Our Lives

I will be trying to put up more links to books , movies and inspiration people that I really like .Here is a book about synchronicity  and coincidence. It’s a really well written and inspirational book. As well as explaining what synchronicity is and how it works, she gives practical tips and insights in how to see it and apply in one’s own life. Although I can’t say I am big into the Angel side of things I still would really recommend it.  It has 22 five star reviews I think for good reason.

Here is the Amazon description..

When Mary Soliel woke up to the reality of synchronicity, she realized we are all constantly graced with meaningful signs, not mere coincidences, through our relationships, nature, numbers, events—basically all things this world is made up of. In I Can See Clearly Now, she shares her twelve-year spiritual odyssey that began with an awareness of these mysterious forces that guide, validate, and help us live our lives.

You’ll be amazed by her many stories of nearly unbelievable occurrences of perfectly timed, exquisite signs, including those that miraculously and repetitively delivered a monumental message of hope for our future. I Can See Clearly Now will help you: • Recognize the synchronicities that bless your life. • Decide for yourself whether ours is a random or deliberate Universe. • Tap into your intuition to decipher meanings of synchronicities and become a conscious creator. • Know that your angels want you to call on them for help and guidance. • Create miracles through gratitude, unconditional love, and forgiveness. • Release negative self-thoughts that run your life, learn how to heal yourself, and recreate by “choosing again.”

Link to the book

http://www.amazon.com/Can-See-Clearly-Now-Synchronicity/dp/0595458602/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Here is a link to her web site.Has some great resources

http://marysoliel.com/

The Power of Gratitude: Practising being happy with what you have

I think that’s the wonderful and lateral nature of how we progress and understand things as people. We potter along seemingly getting nowhere, maybe even feeling stuck, then all of sudden there comes this breakthrough or flash of understanding. One of the things I have been feeling lately is my appreciation of what is in front of me, the immense value of all I have this very moment.  As to be content with were we are and what we have runs contrary to the emphasis society places on getting more, having more and being more. Now some of that is just the nature of capitalism and consumer society .Our western society is structured in a way that permits us to be bombard advertisements telling us what we need and why we need it. It’s common knowledge large corporations pay highly qualified psychologist and persuasion experts to tap into our most basic unconscious buttons of greed, fear, security or status. In addition to these social forces compelling to “do more” or to  “get more”, there our own human nature of desire. To start  with our basic desires for food, sex and security unpin many actions each and every day. Layered on top of that are more subtle drives for control and approval .All these drives them have various means of how they express or manifest in our lives. Yet the interesting thing is after our basic survival needs are meet, it’s seem when we fulfill each of whatever it is we want, very soon after another “want” emerges. Although our desire to improve our lives has lead to wonderful discoveries and inventions that have elevated our quality of living, it would seem on an emotional level we are no more or less happy as a civilisation now as we were 3000 years ago . It would seem the human condition has remain somewhat unevolved as we see the same mythical Greek drama involving, war, lust, betray  and cruelty been re-enacted  each night on the six o’clock news.

The endless to-do list…

Part of the lack emotional evolution seem to connected the belief that true happiness lies within getting what we want.    Although I don’t think we can switch of the desire button and although there some benefits of being driven it is not the only way to approach being happy. It is also liberating thing to feel  that everything I need to be happy I have it in front of me. That no matter if  I “do” or “do not”  get the things I want, it won’t determine or be the ultimate measure of my contentment. Thinking I have everything I need already is not the natural way to think, as most days of moments are spent working out how I am going to get what I want. The function of all these desires we tell ourselves is satisfaction or contentment. The problem arises is when we finally get it, more often or not the need for  more of whatever it is, better stuff , more of it all comes up and we are back were we started .The Buddhist call it the “hungry ghost” another term for it is the “hole in the soul”. It’s the endless “to do list” of achieving happiness, that no matter how many items I tick off new ones inevitability appear that now need to pursued and attained.

No will power required- Finding a new way to achieve this new year’s goals and resolutions

The New Year is a traditional time of making resolutions and commitments to things we would like to achieve. Most of us in the past have made lists of resolutions, be it to give up smoking, lose weight or find new love. Of course we start off with some initial surge of enthusiasm and determination, then the days and weeks pass the commitment wears thin and often the underlying issues that created the initial obstacles reveal themselves and draw us back into our old habits. Of course, there are some people who succeed. These lucky few posses an iron will, who when needed, can commit to whatever they want and get the job done.

Given the amount of people in the Western world who are trapped in one form of addiction or another, from alcohol, illegal and legal drugs, coffee, sugar, sex, TV, video games, fitness, work or any other of the numerous things that we can be addicted to. This of course isn’t even talking about the less obvious or less measurable addictions, such as thoughts and feelings that many people could be deemed addicted to. All this it would seem to indicate that the “iron will” it not something the vast majority of us possess.  We have a picture of a society made of individuals who struggle to change and transform into who they want to be.

If each person in the UK had to make a list of things they wanted to change about themselves, I would guess it would be largely made of things they would like to “stop doing”, habits to kick, and patterns to dissolve. We now have thousands of industries, products and services all assuring and promising the fulfilment of these wishes. The most obvious example is the weight loss industry; figures show in the USA alone in 2006 55 billon dollars was spent on weight loss. With this huge investment people are making the results are astounding, surprise surprise, obesity in the USA is on the rise and predicted to be the main cause of death in the next fifty years. Each person of course wants to be believe, and is told to believe that even though diets do not work for most (95% the figures show long term) they will be different, their pride and fear drives them to invest in a system that has a history of failure. If it was a medicine that you were told would cost you $100 but only ever worked on 5% of the people would you buy it? The clincher and the hook the weight loss industry has is the success of the program, diet or whatever is being sold depends on the will power of the person. If you are strong enough, disciplined enough then it can work. What people fail to see metaphorically speaking, the company who owns the diet shop also owns the sweet shop across the street. Each desire is being played off each other.

What happen when you just accept someone can’t commit?

I think it’s safe to assume if you were to ask the average Joe on the street what they want in life one way or another you would get the answer “To be happy”. Even if it wasn’t directly that, such as I want fame , money and power as your questions probed further that person may assume that all these other thing will lead them to being happy. So it makes sense if this is what most of us wants to ask the question “What is it that prevents us from getting it?”  What causes us the pain that prevents us from being happy?

Will getting what we want make us happy?

Through my own personal experience, as well as trying to help others, I see much of our pain and suffering come from us all the time wanting to change things we have very little control over. This applies not just with people and circumstance but with ourselves. You might be startled to note how many times through the course of a day you find yourself fighting “something” or “someone” in our minds .From the minor like “He should have indicated when pulled out in front of my car” or “The waiter should have at least apologised when they brought out my lunch order forty minutes late” or, to the major ones of  “I want my partner to more affectionate” ,”It’s unfair I didn’nt get the promotion” “I hate myself or being this overweight” .We are constantly evaluating our life interactions in terms do they give us what we want or what we expect.A good dayis made up of successfully getting what we want, a bad day is usually consistent of events and outcomes that far removed from what we want. Yet within this mindset most of us possess, we often fail to truly examine two pertinent questions

1)Is getting what want really the source of lasting happiness?

2) Why is it we huff and puff over things we have little or no control of?

No fighting, just accepting…

An alternative to this fighting is the practice of acceptance or non-resistance. When you imagine non-resistance you could envision just passively just “accepting” whatever comes your way. Kind of being a spiritual doormat. Yet we you really take a look its more the art of understanding what is you can’t and can control and not exerting energy and effort in pointless directions. This takes great trust in life and the “way of the universe” as just accepting goes hand in hand with letting go of our minds coveted outcomes, we are manoeuvring towards all the time.

How finding new love can be path to magic and meaning

It can be all too easy to enter into a routine in the way we think and act that gives us sense of monotony and numbness. We plod along feeling like we have done it all before, because more than likely we have, same s**t ,different day, as expression goes. When we are moving along in this way, a type of emotional autopilot , it makes sense that we feel empty ,depressed and conflicted, as there is another part of us that never really makes peace and accepts this dreary place. We intuitively feel and know that there is more to life than what we are experiencing. This can be heighten even further when the previous mechanism of escape, drugs, drink, food, sex, TV or whatever it maybe, all fail to numb us, or distract us from the pain in the way it used. We are not happy in life and our efforts to pretend otherwise have stopped working.
Although a cynic may say this is “just life” yet that need for “more”, whether we accept it or not, has a power and pull .So much so, we can draw to us the opportunity for change whether we like or not. For many people this “kick start” or emotional revolution begins with a new relationship. Suddenly we feel the blood flowing through our veins, we experience a renewed sense of passion and zest for life. Suddenly a future that seemed rigidly mapped out has been discarded and replaced with a new map that is open and full of potential.
Enclosed with the experience also can be this feeling that this person and this occurrence was somehow fated or destined to be. Although I find it drippy, cliché and corny the general term for this experience is the soul mate (Personally I prefer the term coined by John O’Donahue “Anam Cara” which means “Soul Friend”. This then opens the experience up to emotional connections beyond romantic relationships.) When we feel we have encountered a person that is a soul friend, it awakens a feeling of our own soul. That warm familiarity we get with someone, that feeling we somehow know them, tells us the universe we inhabit is driven and directed by powerful, loving and magical forces .The meaningless drift was just a temporary illusion as the curtain is pulled back to reveal a life full of significance, worth and love. Our fated paths have crossed as a part of wider ,more cosmic narrative that we are somehow part of .
As often these relationship are romantic and often they can be catalyst for huge changes in people lives. People suddenly wake up thinking “Why am I doing this?” “Who’s life am I living?” We sense life is too short and too important to be wasted to be with people we have stopped loving or situations that limit and holds us back. Once we have tasted the fruit of those new and meaningful feelings, it is very difficult to just pretend it never happened. All this said, a bigger danger people can face it being aware of the power a new connection may have on us and as a result secretly hide our souls in anticipation of that bond.
If someone asked me what is the best way to attract that depth of union, I would suggest to start living your life with your soul open to the world to see. That begins with understanding and nurturing that awareness of our soul, spiritual centre, cosmic self, spirit or whatever name you choose to call it. Work to make “soul choices”, choices that come from a deeper understanding of who we are and our relationship with that part of ourselves and that part of life. We all deserve to feel magic and meaning in our lives. The love and connection we feel for another is such a wonderful gift we have as people .It inspires us , it enlivens us, it reminds us of what is truly important .Just beware if you’re not feeling that way you don’t have to wait for that “other” person, you can start now. You can invite that deeper part of who you are into your life. You can mindfully choose to commune with your soul .It’s that ever-present flame that burns within each of, producing feelings of unity, connection, love, kindness and peace. It’s the part of us that fights nothing, as its knows everything is ok and will be ok. As you see the warmth and brilliance of your own nature it will be impossible to not start finding yourself seeing it in others. Then our life becomes celebration of our ability to love and life’s amazing way of giving us an unending opportunities to practice this love. A quest of the heart, born from an awareness we are all worthy of tremendous love and capable of both giving it and receiving it. Give your soul a chance to breath, to be heard. As you do, I have no doubt that many fantastic people and opportunities will enter your life.

Using our Divine Compass- Shortcuts to Clarity