Archive for the ‘Being Single’ Category
The article below was inspired by a client who would prefer to remain anonymous , so lets call her client L.J I did many readings for L.J and I have tremendous respect and admiration for the changes and choices she has made .Her life now is really evidence that as hard as it can be, life can and does get better when we trust and follow how we truly feel. If you read this L.J you have a lot to be proud of
Although I don’t have any credible data to back up my theory, actually I don’t even have any credible data to back up being a psychic , but that aside in my experience as psychic reader I would say that when a man who is forty plus, leaves a woman ,more often than not, there is another woman’s somewhere in the picture. Yet many women I have done readings for have left their husbands without the security and comfort of a partner waiting in the wings for them .Of course there women who leave relationships to be with someone else but none the less, this is phenomena I have observed.
The word I used in the title “Courage” to describe the characteristic that women possess in this area more than men, is word purposely chosen and a word that accurately describes what is needed and required of a women to leave a man, without the safety net of another. As courage is the willingness to take action not because one is fearless but to take action despite the crippling fears that may be present.
I think there are a number of things that contribute to this in the dynamics of relationship. I think a very basic one is how each partner has their needs meet .It would seem for someone men, having wife present , to do all the daily things of running a house, to go on holiday with and general feel look after maybe enough. They may no longer be attracted or have any romantic of loving feelings but security of just the other being there , is far better than being alone .In fact it may not be until an other women arrives on the scene and stirs up some of the more forgotten and numbed out needs that this man may consider leaving there partner. Although it may be wrapped up in the romantic language, it can often be a case of a new model has appeared on the market that can better fulfil what I want, this new model maybe younger, pay them more attention, stroke their ego and so forth.
Psychic Medium Ewan Nicholson explores what formula, if any, is there to finding a loving and fulfilling relationship and how psychic readings may help someone get there.
Throughout my time as a professional psychic, my work has ended up being about helping people through common themes. The most frequent area of life I deal with is romantic relationships.Time and time again clients come up against genuinely stressful and disappointing scenarios in the course of trying to find happiness in there love life. From being involved with a person who can’t commit, to being single and struggling to meet someone special , to falling in love with a married person, to breaking up with a person who you yearn to be together again .All these situations are unique but they also share common characteristics and invoke common feelings and thoughts. What is great about the similarities we share with others, is our common problems provides with the opportunity for a common solution.
I truly believe, that each person has the ability to create and attract relationships into their life which are secure, fulfilling and beneficial. Our desire for closeness is healthy and it is often our close relationship that provide us with the meaning and depth each us yearn for in life. Closeness also brings colour and vibrancy into our lives ,which can be well needed when we are immerse in a society that is often automated and impersonal .Yet when you have genuinely endeavoured to find that closeness and repeatedly fail to do so over a period of years, it is easy to start to doubt the legitimacy of that need . What we once would have deemed cynical and pessimistic we now call this thinking as being “realistic”. We may find ourselves vacillating from somewhat depressed “can’t be bother” which after period of time our need for closeness and connection prompts to make and “effort” in which we venture out with all our past hurts and fears. Wary that if history repeats itself it gets harder and harder to keep trying but the longer we go without the love we are seeking more we may yearn for that closeness and connection. So we are faced with conundrum “I want a close relationship but I don’t want to set myself to feel disappointed and let down”
I find it a great honour to able to support and guide people towards a place where they are able to find that love and peace within themselves and their relationships .In my personal and professional experience, I have no doubt that the fastest way through a problem is to be able to ask for help and support. Although in the end we all have to take responsibility for our life and choices, knowing we are not alone in our issues and that others do care about our well-being, makes the whole process a lot more easier and lot less tiring. It also encouraging knowing other have been where we are and they managed to find a way forward ,into more loving and rewarding relationships.
In my readings I come cross situations where a person gets involved with a person who at some point in that involvement that just cuts off. Not in way that where they are back in touch two weeks later, this is a cutting off as in total “off the radar”, permanent, no talk, no returning of text or calls, no reply to emails, being delete from facebook, a total and complete shutdown,shut off and exit from their life.
This often is without explanation or closure. They don’t give a reason as to why they have just decided they never want to talk to you again. As a result you are just left guessing and making wild stabs in the dark. This can be very confusing and conflicting for a person. They may well still holding very strong and intense feelings for that person that they are just left wondering what to do with them. Because the person has cut off hasn’t sat down and told them “um sorry to say that this is our last conversation we are ever going to have, after this I will never to speak to you again or reply to any of your communication , these are my reason why blah blah blah ,so don’t hold out for me or think anything else other than I am out of your life for good, good bye and good luck.
Now that would be a hell of punch in the emotional guts but in reality it would allow the person at a minimum to move on. They know to expect nothing and any attempt to get more than nothing would be meet with nothing as promised. As this type of blunt and forthright statements are rarely made to the person left .So most are left with two difficult questions.
1 Why did they do this?
2. Will they every be back in touch and if so when?
Although every person and situation is different there are common motivations as to why a person would do this. The first and most obvious is guilt, couple with being a coward .If someone has decided that they no longer want to continue, rather than dragging it out they find it easier to just cut off .They can rationalise this by thinking after a while the other person will get the message. Because they may have made some big emotional promise and possibly fuelled the very feelings they are cutting off from, there strong sense of guilt. Rather than facing the hurt and pain they are part responsible for ,it’s a lot easier to just run away and be a relationship coward .In my opinion there is also an other more unconscious motive for not giving reasons and no closure. It allows that person the possibility of re-appearing, if or when they want to. As they have not told the person to move on and let go, it becomes subtle way of leaving slight backdoor open to return.
The idea of being with someone you were fated to be with is something that someone single may truly wish for. The whole idea itself rest on some premise that first of all “fate” in itself exists. That woven into the fabric of lives is some kind of plan or order, a cosmic story that we are part of whether we are aware of it or not. The choices we make, the people we attract, the situation that are out of our control are not meaningless events, happening is some kind of random way, rather they are part of some divine order of things. Is all this true? To be honest to do believe in parts of this but at the same time how this view relates to free will and self determination is something philosophers and great thinker have been ruminating all the way back to the ancient Greeks civilisation . Personally I think there is a mixture of fate and choice in life, how the two intersect with one another remains a mystery to me .I know for sure that there have been events in my life that have been beyond coincidence that validate some kind of synchronicity or a wider meaningfulness, at the same time what parts of that are my own creation is hard to draw line under .
I think what’s appealing about the view of predestined events and meeting is it embodies life with some sense of magic and purpose, as pointlessness can create very strong feeling of despair and world-weariness. . Our pain and hardships can be easier to heal and move forward with if we feel that there part of some bigger picture. So if someone is single and they want to meet the person they are destined to be with what do they do to draw that to them? As the very desire or belief in this assumes that that outcome is something that will happen to you, rather then something you create. This then can confront someone with very strong conflict or opportunity for trust ,depending on how you want to look at it. As if romance is genuinely is fated it is pointless trying to make it happen, as in essence it will happen when its “meant to be”. That means there is no relationship between the effort and energy that can go into finding someone , as the belief in fate entrust that outcome to the universe rather than one’s own efforts. Yet you could argue, that who’s to know that the effort you put into finding someone isn’t itself part of the fate itself .So it can end up quite head trip the whole process of where one things begins and the other ends. My basic advice to people looking for that “destined” to be relationship to work towards finding their own sense of personal or individual destiny. The more you aligned and living out your own destiny , then the greater chance the people that are meant to be part of that will come into your life naturally and effortlessly. As life seems at times to follow certain kind of rules, like the harder you try to get something that not in your control the further away its seems to be. So a workable and practical place always to start when it come to meeting someone new is where you are inside yourself. It’s inside ourselves we can examine our expectations, beliefs and feeling that are shaping what we allow to come into our lives. As we resist less the reality of our singleness the more we live our lives in the present and the more able to draw to us something authentically new, as we are in state of sincere openness to what life can bring. This can be contrast to rigid and fixed expectation of what new love has to look and feel like, that we then constantly reviewing and assessing against, setting ourselves up for repeated disappointments . So the best place to start to accelerate the process of finding that “destined” partner is start feeling like your living your life as fully and wholly as possible. Living from position of trust in that unseen hand we choose surrender the parts of our lives we can’t control .The twist in the tales is often when we let go of the want and struggle to acquire that “right relationship” the universe rewards us with , drum roll, you guess it, the “right relationship”.
Commitment is a crucial part of a successful and fulfilling relationship. We all want to be needed and loved, we want to feel that we are special for the person that we care about. Most of us feel also happy to reciprocate, to give back love, attention and loyalty. As long as we find ourselves in a relationship with one of the people who embrace commitment, things are on the right track. On the other hand, there are people who are afraid to commit, prefer to keep themselves at a safe distance and who will make it very difficult to start a relationship with.
The tricky part is that we don’t choose who we fall in love with, and we might very well be in the situation of liking someone who has commitment phobias. Here are some of the tell-tale signs of a commitment phobic.
1. Realiably Unreliable: People who are unreliable about keeping appointment dates, who are always late or who change their plans in the last minute often do so because they are afraid to have a steady and serious relationship.
2. No hand holding…in public: The commitment phobic has difficulties showing affection in public. If they are reluctant to hold your hand, hug or kiss you in public, you might ask yourself if they really want to develop a serious relationship with you.
3.Looking for Barbie: HavingÂ unrealistic expectationsÂ is another of the signs of commitment phobia. People who have a distorted, unrealistic image of their â€œdream dateâ€ will never find such a person, thus they will not get hurt.
4.Affraid to make plans: While it is a good idea to live in the present and to enjoy life one day at a time, most people also feel the need to make future plans with the person that is important to them. People who are afraid of commitment will not be comfortable talking about the future.
5.Canâ€™t feel their feelings: People who hide or suppress their feelings will not be able to have a healthy relationship. Commitment phobics are afraid to open up, because this will make them vulnerable. They don’t talk about their emotions and feelings, nor do they acknowledge them. 6.Always moving: Change is a fact of life, but people who are not happy without constantly changing will have a difficult time keeping a steady relationship. They will change their job, their home, their friends and their love interest in the search for happiness. 7.I donâ€™t want commitment means â€œI donâ€™t want commitmentâ€ Finally, the most obvious but often overlooked sign: commitment phobics will often be very clear about the way they view their relationship. If they say that they don’t want to settle down, to get married and they want to date other people, don’t make the mistake to think that this attitude will change.
Part 1: The Ins And Outs of Letting Go There are a number of situations where people can end up holding onto relationships that seem over. It could involve a spouse who has recently left or it could involve someone they havenâ€™t seen in two years and havenâ€™t spoken to in a year. The situations may be different, but the dynamics are the same. The person is unable to let go of their ex-partner – the one they love and want to be with.
What it means to hold on…
When we are holding onto someone, to a relationship, we are preoccupied with how things were in the past and how we would like things to be in the future. We are remembering what the relationship was like and we are thinking about how we would like things to be in the future. We live in a state of wanting to get back together and waiting for it to happen.
What it means to let go…
Letting go is not the same as giving up. Letting go means that we no longer allow ourselves to become caught up in the anxieties of this relationship. We no longer focus on what was and what we want to be.
It doesnâ€™t mean that we give up on the potential of ever getting back together with the person; it means no longer holding on to those desperate needs that we have around the relationship.
What to let go of…
We must also understand what it is that we need to let go of. Is it the person or the ideal of the person? For example, say we are in a situation where we are getting mixed messages from the other person. Our ideal is that this person gives consistent and positive messages regarding the relationship. We expect this to be the case; it is part of how we define a loving relationship. Perhaps we need to let go of this expectation, let go of this requirement to have the other person clear about the situation. We need to let go of this ideal and not necessarily the relationship itself. Perhaps we need to let go of the ideal that we should be together with this particular person and have romantic bliss. Perhaps we need to accept certain aspects of a person and then make a decision as to whether we want to deal with it or walk away.
One of the issues around love that I regularly encounter in my readings is that of a person struggling to find a good relationship. The person feels that they are ready, but the right partner simply doesnâ€™t seem to cross their path. They see their friends and family enjoying loving relationships, but they donâ€™t seem to be able to have that need in themselves fulfilled. To want a relationship is normal and healthy but, if it is not happening, it is easy for you to become negative and begin to despair.
It seems as if there is nothing you can doâ€¦ You cannot force love; it is an experience that must come naturally. You cannot simply make a relationship happen; but, you can create the space to enable it enter your life, and an environment that is welcoming. This is what we mean by â€œattracting loveâ€.
We need to acknowledge our relationship with the Universeâ€¦
When we look at our lives, we can decide what we want and what we would like to see and feel there. However, we are a part of a larger entity; we are a part of the Universe. We need to look beyond our microcosm of life in order to find and attract what we seek. We must open ourselves up to the Universe and trust that it will provide. Resistance keeps us trappedâ€¦
The Universe feeds into our life and the events or situations we encounter, but often we are unaware of its involvement and sometimes we even resist its process. This resistance takes the form of our hanging onto our fears and destructive thoughts. We fear being alone, we replay relationships that went wrong and we worry about why we are not in a loving relationship, wondering what is wrong with us. It is only through letting go of this negativity that we can enter the flow of the Universe and create the environment for what we want.
Nurturing clear intentionâ€¦ The second aspect of attracting what we want from the Universe is to be clear about our desires. This is not about drawing up a wish list; it is about knowing where you wonâ€™t compromise. It is not about setting up limitations, but it is about working from a positive space. We must nurture this intention as a welcome to the relationship that we want in our life.
Keeping an open heart makes us receptive to loveâ€¦ Life is a big picture and we canâ€™t focus on only one area, such as that of relationships. If we do so, we are limiting our hearts and minds and shutting ourselves off from the energy of the Universe. We need to open ourselves to all of experience, embrace every opportunity and live our lives fully. If we are moving on a path of expansion, enjoying our experience and following our destiny, we are receptive to the right loving energies and it is most likely that the relationship we want will enter our lives. We will have attracted the loving relationship we desire.
When you are battling to find the loving relationship that you want, you need to consider what may be blocking you. In my previous article I discussed the principles behind attracting a loving relationship into your life. We saw that there are two main areas where we struggle in the process of attracting what we want in our lives. They are: letting go and clear intention. So, in this article, I am going to discuss the obstacles that may lie in these areas when you are having difficulty finding the right relationship.
Coming from a space of self-contentâ€¦ Make sure that you are ready for a relationship. If you have not resolved old hurts or if you are currently in the throws of life difficulties, you cannot be receptive to what you desire.
If you always seem to be in the â€œwrongâ€ relationship, look at yourself. What negative aspect of yourself is that relationship reflecting? If the relationship is lacking in love, perhaps you need to find self-love. Until you resolve this issue, each relationship you experience will show you the importance of loving yourself.
When we are searching for a partner and donâ€™t seem to be getting anywhere, it is easy to start to despair. However, despair turns you against the flow of the Universe. Despair will cause you to push harder in your search whilst chasing all of you opportunities away.
Remember that if you hang onto fears and negative thoughts, you cannot join the dance of the Universe; and it is this connection that brings you what you desire. You need to be content within yourself, and have let go of the events and emotions that hold you back, before seeking a loving relationship.
You may be sabotaging yourself…
Often we can be thinking and saying what we want but, on a deeper level, we are actually working against ourselves and sabotage any chance of success. There are always many paths that self-sabotage can take, but consider these two in your search for understanding this situation:
- Perhaps you have been hurt previously and your fear of future rejection is so great that it prevents you from allowing yourself to have the loving relationship that you can – and that you deserve.
- Maybe you are scared or unwilling to move out of your comfort zone. You may have had many years on your own, free to your own habits; or, you may fear trying new activities and visiting different places
Clarity on your intentions…
Resistance and Relationshipless â€“ How They Are Linked
Yes its true I did just coin or make up my own word â€œrelationshiplessâ€.Â I have even added it to my Microsoft Word spellchecker so that now, when I type it in, I no longer get a red line underneath it. I am defining being relationshipless as â€œnot having a romantic partnerâ€.Â When I do psychic readings I get many clients who are relationshipless and, more often than not, are looking to get out of this position. I also have clients that are in relationships and are afraid of being relationshipless. Relationshipless is not, from my experience, a popular space.
The ways of responding to relationshiplessâ€¦
When people are relationshipless they tend to swing between two states: anxiously searching for love and despondently not being bothered anymore. As a person tires of one phase, they swing into the other. It seems to be a never-ending cycle of despair.
It is possible when looking at being relationshipless, to say: â€œWhere I am today, without a loving partner, is exactly where I need to be.â€ How can this be so?Â Well because, to put it plainly, this is exactly where you are.Â To explain further:Â the universe gives and provides you with everything you need in a perfect order; so, if you didnâ€™t need to be in this position you wouldnâ€™t be. The problem is not being relationshipless, the problem is your problem with it. The importance of non-resistanceâ€¦
There is a basic law of life, so to speak, that, in my experience, seems to be true. This is the Resistance-Persistence Law. According to this Law, the more we resist something the bigger the issue seems to be and the larger it becomes. It hangs around and wonâ€™t let go. Itâ€™s like when you give a dog a bone and aggressively try to pull it from its mouth. The harder you pull the more the dog holds on tightly. If you then stop pulling and just gently move the bone around in its mouth, it seems to simply let go (at least my dog does this, so, try it out). The universe has order and the way it works is that when we force, push, resist, argue and cry â€œStop!â€ then it seems to bring on whatever it is we are resisting even more forcefully. It is almost saying: â€œsurrender to, or else!â€
Part 1: The Questions of Internet Dating Over the last ten years internet dating has boomed from being on the fringes and a place where nerds and serial killers lurked to a normal and accepted means of connecting and hopefully finding love.
Currently, if you meet a single person in the UK there is a 50/50 chance that they would be using some form of internet dating to meet people. In 2008, over 8 million singles in the UK used the internet to try to find love – among other things.
As the internet has become fundamental to our everyday life, it makes sense that it can be used as a tool to connect; however, it is very far removed from the historical forms of finding love. Rather it offers a Tesco-style online ordering of a relationship. This raises certain questions regarding our traditional beliefs and expectations around love.
Does destiny still apply…
Many of us hold romantic ideals of how we could meet a person and fall in love. This is destiny or what is meant to be. These imaginings tend to take place in more normal contexts such as the work environment or friends of friends or just meeting a person out at a pub. However, the internet has now given us a unique opportunity to find people that share interests, hobbies or whatever it is youâ€™re searching for.
This leads to one of the questions that are often on peopleâ€™s minds: where does destiny come into something like internet dating? Can searching and finding someone online be fate or is it us making it happen?
Is it real?
Is connecting through internet channels natural? Is the relationship that forms real? The internet is a medium that has the potential to cut us off from each other, yet now there are these so-called connections hiding behind emails and chats.
Love across the internet…
Finally, the main question is: Does it work? Can you find love via internet dating? How can you make the most of and get the most from the process?
Human civilisation has always evolved and advanced. In the last century this has accelerated at rate almost beyond comprehension. How we have typically met the opposite sex has also changed and evolved according to the cultural and social norm of the time. Internet dating is yet another level of this process.