They don’t return calls, txt, emails and they have totally cut off………What next?

In my readings I come cross situations where a person gets involved with a person who at some point in that involvement that just cuts off. Not in way that  where they are back in touch two weeks later, this is a cutting off as in total “off the radar”,  permanent, no talk, no returning of text or calls, no reply to emails, being delete from facebook, a total and complete shutdown,shut off  and exit from their life.

This often is without explanation or closure. They don’t give a reason as to why they have just decided they never want to talk to you again. As a result you are just left guessing and making wild stabs in the dark. This can be very confusing and conflicting for a person. They may well still holding very strong and intense feelings for that person that they are just left wondering what to do with them. Because the person has cut off hasn’t sat down and told them “um sorry to say that this is our last conversation we are ever going to have, after this I will never to speak to you again or reply to any of your communication , these are my reason why blah blah blah ,so don’t hold out for me or think anything else other than I am out of your life for good, good bye and good luck.

Now that would be a hell of punch in the emotional guts but in reality it would allow the person at a minimum to move on. They know to expect nothing and any attempt to get more than nothing would be meet with nothing as promised. As this type of blunt and forthright statements are rarely made to the person left .So most are left with two difficult questions.

1 Why did they do this?

2. Will they every  be back in touch and if so when?

Although every person and situation is different there are common motivations as to why a person would do this. The first and most obvious is guilt, couple with being a coward .If someone has decided that they no longer want to continue, rather than dragging it out they find it easier to just cut off .They can rationalise this by thinking after a while the other person will get the message. Because they may have made some big emotional promise and possibly fuelled the very feelings they are cutting off from, there strong sense of guilt. Rather than facing the hurt and pain they are part responsible for ,it’s a lot easier to just run away and be a relationship coward .In my opinion there is also an other  more unconscious motive for not giving reasons and no closure.  It allows that person the possibility of re-appearing, if or when they want to. As they have not told the person to move on and let go, it becomes subtle way of leaving slight backdoor open to return.

Can you find the person you were destined to be with?

The idea of being with someone you were fated to be with is something that someone single may truly wish for. The whole idea itself rest on some premise that first of all “fate” in itself exists. That woven into the fabric of lives is some kind of plan or order, a cosmic story that we are part of whether we are aware of it or not. The choices we make, the people we attract, the situation that are out of our control are not meaningless events, happening is some kind of random way, rather they are part of some divine order of things. Is all this true? To be honest to do believe in parts of this but at the same time how this view relates to free will and self determination is something philosophers and great thinker have been ruminating all the way back to the ancient Greeks civilisation . Personally I think there is a mixture of fate and choice in life, how the two intersect with one another remains a mystery to me .I know for sure that there have been events in my life that have been beyond coincidence that validate some kind of synchronicity or a wider meaningfulness, at the same time what parts of that are my own creation is hard to draw line under .
I think what’s appealing about the view of predestined events and meeting is it embodies life with some sense of magic and purpose, as pointlessness can create very strong feeling of despair and world-weariness. . Our pain and hardships can be easier to heal and move forward with if we feel that there part of some bigger picture. So if someone is single and they want to meet the person they are destined to be with what do they do to draw that to them? As the very desire or belief in this assumes that that outcome is something that will happen to you, rather then something you create. This then can confront someone with very strong conflict or opportunity for trust ,depending on how you want to look at it. As if romance is genuinely is fated it is pointless trying to make it happen, as in essence it will happen when its “meant to be”. That means there is no relationship between the effort and energy that can go into finding someone , as the belief in fate entrust that outcome to the universe rather than one’s own efforts. Yet you could argue, that who’s to know that the effort you put into finding someone isn’t itself part of the fate itself .So it can end up quite head trip the whole process of where one things begins and the other ends. My basic advice to people looking for that “destined” to be relationship to work towards finding their own sense of personal or individual destiny. The more you aligned and living out your own destiny , then the greater chance the people that are meant to be part of that will come into your life naturally and effortlessly. As life seems at times to follow certain kind of rules, like the harder you try to get something that not in your control the further away its seems to be. So a workable and practical place always to start when it come to meeting someone new is where you are inside yourself. It’s inside ourselves we can examine our expectations, beliefs and feeling that are shaping what we allow to come into our lives. As we resist less the reality of our singleness the more we live our lives in the present and the more able to draw to us something authentically new, as we are in state of sincere openness to what life can bring. This can be contrast to rigid and fixed expectation of what new love has to look and feel like, that we then constantly reviewing and assessing against, setting ourselves up for repeated disappointments . So the best place to start to accelerate the process of finding that “destined” partner is start feeling like your living your life as fully and wholly as possible. Living from position of trust in that unseen hand we choose surrender the parts of our lives we can’t control .The twist in the tales is often when we let go of the want and struggle to acquire that “right relationship” the universe rewards us with , drum roll, you guess it, the “right relationship”.

7 signs you have started to date a commitment phobe!!

Commitment is a crucial part of a successful and fulfilling relationship. We all want to be needed and loved, we want to feel that we are special for the person that we care about. Most of us feel also happy to reciprocate, to give back love, attention and loyalty. As long as we find ourselves in a relationship with one of the people who embrace commitment, things are on the right track. On the other hand, there are people who are afraid to commit, prefer to keep themselves at a safe distance and who will make it very difficult to start a relationship with.

The tricky part is that we don’t choose who we fall in love with, and we might very well be in the situation of liking someone who has commitment phobias. Here are some of the tell-tale signs of a commitment phobic.

1. Realiably Unreliable: People who are unreliable about keeping appointment dates, who are always late or who change their plans in the last minute often do so because they are afraid to have a steady and serious relationship.

2. No hand holding…in public: The commitment phobic has difficulties showing affection in public. If they are reluctant to hold your hand, hug or kiss you in public, you might ask yourself if they really want to develop a serious relationship with you.

3.Looking for Barbie: Having unrealistic expectations is another of the signs of commitment phobia. People who have a distorted, unrealistic image of their “dream date” will never find such a person, thus they will not get hurt.

4.Affraid to make plans: While it is a good idea to live in the present and to enjoy life one day at a time, most people also feel the need to make future plans with the person that is important to them. People who are afraid of commitment will not be comfortable talking about the future.

5.Can’t feel their feelings: People who hide or suppress their feelings will not be able to have a healthy relationship. Commitment phobics are afraid to open up, because this will make them vulnerable. They don’t talk about their emotions and feelings, nor do they acknowledge them. 6.Always moving: Change is a fact of life, but people who are not happy without constantly changing will have a difficult time keeping a steady relationship. They will change their job, their home, their friends and their love interest in the search for happiness. 7.I don’t want commitment means “I don’t want commitment” Finally, the most obvious but often overlooked sign: commitment phobics will often be very clear about the way they view their relationship. If they say that they don’t want to settle down, to get married and they want to date other people, don’t make the mistake to think that this attitude will change.

When Do You Let Go?

Part 1: The Ins And Outs of Letting Go There are a number of situations where people can end up holding onto relationships that seem over. It could involve a spouse who has recently left or it could involve someone they haven’t seen in two years and haven’t spoken to in a year. The situations may be different, but the dynamics are the same. The person is unable to let go of their ex-partner – the one they love and want to be with.

What it means to hold on…

When we are holding onto someone, to a relationship, we are preoccupied with how things were in the past and how we would like things to be in the future. We are remembering what the relationship was like and we are thinking about how we would like things to be in the future. We live in a state of wanting to get back together and waiting for it to happen.

What it means to let go…

Letting go is not the same as giving up. Letting go means that we no longer allow ourselves to become caught up in the anxieties of this relationship. We no longer focus on what was and what we want to be.

It doesn’t mean that we give up on the potential of ever getting back together with the person; it means no longer holding on to those desperate needs that we have around the relationship.

What to let go of…

We must also understand what it is that we need to let go of. Is it the person or the ideal of the person? For example, say we are in a situation where we are getting mixed messages from the other person. Our ideal is that this person gives consistent and positive messages regarding the relationship. We expect this to be the case; it is part of how we define a loving relationship. Perhaps we need to let go of this expectation, let go of this requirement to have the other person clear about the situation. We need to let go of this ideal and not necessarily the relationship itself. Perhaps we need to let go of the ideal that we should be together with this particular person and have romantic bliss. Perhaps we need to accept certain aspects of a person and then make a decision as to whether we want to deal with it or walk away.

What does it mean to attract love?

One of the issues around love that I regularly encounter in my readings is that of a person struggling to find a good relationship. The person feels that they are ready, but the right partner simply doesn’t seem to cross their path. They see their friends and family enjoying loving relationships, but they don’t seem to be able to have that need in themselves fulfilled. To want a relationship is normal and healthy but, if it is not happening, it is easy for you to become negative and begin to despair.

It seems as if there is nothing you can do… You cannot force love; it is an experience that must come naturally. You cannot simply make a relationship happen; but, you can create the space to enable it enter your life, and an environment that is welcoming. This is what we mean by “attracting love”.

We need to acknowledge our relationship with the Universe…

When we look at our lives, we can decide what we want and what we would like to see and feel there. However, we are a part of a larger entity; we are a part of the Universe. We need to look beyond our microcosm of life in order to find and attract what we seek. We must open ourselves up to the Universe and trust that it will provide. Resistance keeps us trapped…

The Universe feeds into our life and the events or situations we encounter, but often we are unaware of its involvement and sometimes we even resist its process. This resistance takes the form of our hanging onto our fears and destructive thoughts. We fear being alone, we replay relationships that went wrong and we worry about why we are not in a loving relationship, wondering what is wrong with us. It is only through letting go of this negativity that we can enter the flow of the Universe and create the environment for what we want.

Nurturing clear intention… The second aspect of attracting what we want from the Universe is to be clear about our desires. This is not about drawing up a wish list; it is about knowing where you won’t compromise. It is not about setting up limitations, but it is about working from a positive space. We must nurture this intention as a welcome to the relationship that we want in our life.

Keeping an open heart makes us receptive to love… Life is a big picture and we can’t focus on only one area, such as that of relationships. If we do so, we are limiting our hearts and minds and shutting ourselves off from the energy of the Universe. We need to open ourselves to all of experience, embrace every opportunity and live our lives fully. If we are moving on a path of expansion, enjoying our experience and following our destiny, we are receptive to the right loving energies and it is most likely that the relationship we want will enter our lives. We will have attracted the loving relationship we desire.

What could be blocking you from finding the right relationship in your life?

When you are battling to find the loving relationship that you want, you need to consider what may be blocking you. In my previous article I discussed the principles behind attracting a loving relationship into your life. We saw that there are two main areas where we struggle in the process of attracting what we want in our lives. They are: letting go and clear intention. So, in this article, I am going to discuss the obstacles that may lie in these areas when you are having difficulty finding the right relationship.

Coming from a space of self-content… Make sure that you are ready for a relationship. If you have not resolved old hurts or if you are currently in the throws of life difficulties, you cannot be receptive to what you desire.

If you always seem to be in the “wrong” relationship, look at yourself. What negative aspect of yourself is that relationship reflecting? If the relationship is lacking in love, perhaps you need to find self-love. Until you resolve this issue, each relationship you experience will show you the importance of loving yourself.

When we are searching for a partner and don’t seem to be getting anywhere, it is easy to start to despair. However, despair turns you against the flow of the Universe. Despair will cause you to push harder in your search whilst chasing all of you opportunities away.

Remember that if you hang onto fears and negative thoughts, you cannot join the dance of the Universe; and it is this connection that brings you what you desire. You need to be content within yourself, and have let go of the events and emotions that hold you back, before seeking a loving relationship.

You may be sabotaging yourself…

Often we can be thinking and saying what we want but, on a deeper level, we are actually working against ourselves and sabotage any chance of success. There are always many paths that self-sabotage can take, but consider these two in your search for understanding this situation:

• Perhaps you have been hurt previously and your fear of future rejection is so great that it prevents you from allowing yourself to have the loving relationship that you can – and that you deserve.
• Maybe you are scared or unwilling to move out of your comfort zone. You may have had many years on your own, free to your own habits; or, you may fear trying new activities and visiting different places

Clarity on your intentions…

Can You Enjoy Being Relationshipless?

Resistance and Relationshipless – How They Are Linked

Yes its true I did just coin or make up my own word “relationshipless”.  I have even added it to my Microsoft Word spellchecker so that now, when I type it in, I no longer get a red line underneath it. I am defining being relationshipless as “not having a romantic partner”.  When I do psychic readings I get many clients who are relationshipless and, more often than not, are looking to get out of this position. I also have clients that are in relationships and are afraid of being relationshipless. Relationshipless is not, from my experience, a popular space.

The ways of responding to relationshipless…

When people are relationshipless they tend to swing between two states: anxiously searching for love and despondently not being bothered anymore. As a person tires of one phase, they swing into the other. It seems to be a never-ending cycle of despair.

It is possible when looking at being relationshipless, to say: “Where I am today, without a loving partner, is exactly where I need to be.” How can this be so?  Well because, to put it plainly, this is exactly where you are.  To explain further:  the universe gives and provides you with everything you need in a perfect order; so, if you didn’t need to be in this position you wouldn’t be. The problem is not being relationshipless, the problem is your problem with it. The importance of non-resistance…

There is a basic law of life, so to speak, that, in my experience, seems to be true. This is the Resistance-Persistence Law. According to this Law, the more we resist something the bigger the issue seems to be and the larger it becomes. It hangs around and won’t let go. It’s like when you give a dog a bone and aggressively try to pull it from its mouth. The harder you pull the more the dog holds on tightly. If you then stop pulling and just gently move the bone around in its mouth, it seems to simply let go (at least my dog does this, so, try it out). The universe has order and the way it works is that when we force, push, resist, argue and cry “Stop!” then it seems to bring on whatever it is we are resisting even more forcefully. It is almost saying: “surrender to, or else!”

Can You Really Find Love Online?

Part 1: The Questions of Internet Dating Over the last ten years internet dating has boomed from being on the fringes and a place where nerds and serial killers lurked to a normal and accepted means of connecting and hopefully finding love.

Currently, if you meet a single person in the UK there is a 50/50 chance that they would be using some form of internet dating to meet people. In 2008, over 8 million singles in the UK used the internet to try to find love – among other things.

The difference…

As the internet has become fundamental to our everyday life, it makes sense that it can be used as a tool to connect; however, it is very far removed from the historical forms of finding love. Rather it offers a Tesco-style online ordering of a relationship. This raises certain questions regarding our traditional beliefs and expectations around love.

Does destiny still apply…

Many of us hold romantic ideals of how we could meet a person and fall in love. This is destiny or what is meant to be. These imaginings tend to take place in more normal contexts such as the work environment or friends of friends or just meeting a person out at a pub. However, the internet has now given us a unique opportunity to find people that share interests, hobbies or whatever it is you’re searching for.

This leads to one of the questions that are often on people’s minds: where does destiny come into something like internet dating? Can searching and finding someone online be fate or is it us making it happen?

Is it real?

Is connecting through internet channels natural? Is the relationship that forms real? The internet is a medium that has the potential to cut us off from each other, yet now there are these so-called connections hiding behind emails and chats.

Love across the internet…

Finally, the main question is: Does it work? Can you find love via internet dating? How can you make the most of and get the most from the process?

Human civilisation has always evolved and advanced. In the last century this has accelerated at rate almost beyond comprehension. How we have typically met the opposite sex has also changed and evolved according to the cultural and social norm of the time. Internet dating is yet another level of this process.

How Do You Attract the Loving Relationship You Want?

We have looked at what it means to attract love into your life and we have looked at why it may not be happening for you. (Click here to read the first two articles of the series). Now we address the question of how to attract the relationship you want into your life. The answer lies in using the principles of attraction in this Universe, together with cultivating self-awareness.

Nurturing clear intentions… Firstly you need to be able to assess your feelings and motives. It is through this self-awareness that you can remove any blocks that you may have to attracting what you want into your life. Ensure that you feel content and secure within yourself before you start to look for a relationship.

Being positive and knowing what we want is important in attracting our desires. Nurture clear and open intentions which, as we have discussed previously, create a receptive space around us.

Trust the Universe…

You may feel that it is all very well saying that one needs to have faith that the Universe will provide, but, how do you actually believe it? And, how can you possibly hold this trust if it has failed for you previously? Well, consider this: You can either trust the Universe or not. If you don’t, what will happen? You will remain trapped in your fears and a loving partner will remain elusive. On the other hand, you can choose to trust that the relationship you desire will flow into your life, and open yourself to it happening. It may be a difficult process, but if you work at it gradually, you’ll find you can trust a little more each day. How to let go…

Letting go is linked to trusting the Universe. Moving towards living a life without the fear and emotions that keep you trapped is also a gradual process. You can start in small ways, for example, begin with letting go of the anger or upset around a snide comment from a colleague. Over time you will find that you strengthen your ability to allow life to take its course. For this journey, you need to grow your self-awareness. You need to start to recognise when you are holding on and discover why. Knowledge is the first step in change.

Living a full life… Your world must not be focused on the one goal of finding a loving relationship; no, you need to live. Don’t avoid certain opportunities or invitations because you feel they are unlikely to lead to your meeting “the one”. If you have a steady intention, your world will be open to attracting a loving relationship in ways that perhaps you would not have thought possible. Share your love with the many around you. An open heart attracts love – and the love that you are looking for.