The Law of Attraction: True or False?

Since the release of the book and movie the Secret a few years ago the principles of the law of attraction (LOA) has become more popular and more known among people that are working to improve their lives .Like the “Celestine Prophecy” twenty years ago, “The Secret” has got the interest of people that would not normally go for those kind of books. In my readings often the subject of the LOA comes up and many people are still unsure of its validity or truth.

What is the law of attraction ? My basic understand of how the LOA works is that if you focus on something you want and you set your heart and intention in that direction that you will be able to manifest that into reality, be it a new loving relationship, more money or a successful business ,I think the only caveat is that your wishes can’t be negative and have to be harmonious to work.

So for me that basic principle I feel does has some merit and some truth. If you focus on what you want , rather than what you don’t want, I can see how it’s a possible to bring into reality the object of your intentions. The truth is people are doing it all the time, be it losing weight, completing a medical degree, sailing around the world solo .All these act are the result of a determined vision and the action to back it up. The issues for many people though is when they apply these principles and they seem unable to attract that outcome into their lives. Within “The Secret” they would say that if you have not been able to “make it happen”, then your somehow you’re  not doing it right or not trying hard enough. This could be seen a convenient logic that ensures the principle of LOA to be totally fail safe.As when it doesn’t get attracted then it’s something inside of you that’s blocking it  and when it does get attracted, well then the LOA is happy to take the credit.

So it’s at this point part of me feels unsure about the LOA ,not as principle but rather the context or drive behind why people use it. When you watch the Secret it’s hard not to feel at times there are people using the LOA like wish list to a cosmic Santa Claus, Ferrier, untold wealth, you name it you can have it,  all you have to do is employ this method (and buy the book and DVD course ) and hey presto! Next thing you know Fed Ex is knocking on your door to deliver you ten gold bullions! This permission to desire whatever you want and think that you could actually “have it all” fills people with a kind of ecstatic glee.

Yet when you examine the nature of say, “ Manifesting a Red Ferrier” through the LOA, it’s difficult not to see that as a shallow whim of the ego. Then take wanting a new romance, what part of that desire is coming that an emptiness and insecurity that your hoping a new relationship will fill the void from? So then if the person wanting the “new car” and “new love” are unable to make it happen, then rather than seeing that are not “trying hard enough” with LOA, maybe there is deeper message  that is the universe saying that although this maybe what they “want”, it maybe not what they “need”.

The funny  thing is that I have observed that many times when a person is able to let of their desire and just be open, it is then able to come into their life in natural and less stressful way.As I think there is a difference between           fixating on specific outcome as “The Secret” encourages at times ie. The look, height, profession, age and foot size of your future soul mate , then there is of having a broad intention to share your heart and bring more love into your life and be open to how the universe see fit  the best manner of how and when that comes into your life.

Another potential issue with LOA it directs our mind and thinking towards the future(even though they say to imagine these outcome to be present now, it’s still a future focused thinking). To affirm and put energy into creating things we are “yet to have” we  are projecting ourselves into the future .This mental fast-forward works on the assumption  that once  the power of LOA is harnessed and  I “attract it ” into my life, I will  then  be somehow be happier or more content. Yet as many people experience, if these desires are ego driven(which I am not saying all are), the ego has way of never being satisfied and always wanting more. What if instead of focusing on what we wanted, could it be more productive to work on being content with what we have? The problem is in a give me more,more , more society, learning to be happy with what we have isn’t  easiest of sells. I will reveal secret that will empower you to attract whatever you want into your life, well that’s not so hard to sell.

Yet there is a lot of spiritual disciplines  that focus on being content with what we have.The spiritual teacher Byron Katie has built a whole system of knowledge and personal development on the single and simple principle of learning to love “what is”. From her point of view, all of our suffering and stress come from our resistance and struggle to what is. At times when I found myself really moving into that space of “loving what is” there enters a peace and serenity where I felt  no need for the LOA  , as in that moment I am feeling complete with where I am and what I have .Also in the process of loving what is, we are also confront with need to surrender and hand things over to the universe with the sudden awaking that maybe not everything that happens in the universe is about ourselves.

So in my personal opinion I think  the LOA is has measure of both truth and falsehood.  I do think there is a truth in the LOA, in the sense that we do attract much of our reality by the nature of what we think and feel . We have  all seen it in action by coming into contact with a really negative person, who just always seems to attract disaster and hardship, for as they expect, so does it happen.  At same time I think it’s a false logic that tells us the object of life should be all about getting what we want. As within that there is a danger of it becoming a very “ ME,ME,ME” based approach that could easily pit our desires and wishes against the ebbs and flows of life and other people.

So I think if you use the LOA from a basis of self contentment and awareness that often the great treasure in life arrived in packages we first think we don’t want or don’t need, then it can have some real value and power. Yet what’s interesting for me when reflect on  the most profound  moments of  my life that I have felt peace and serenity, it has not come when I have finally attracted into my life what I wanted but its been when I have made some kind of peace with what is.  And that is I guess the point for me, as my search for meaning and happiness has evolved, I have endevoured to use  less of my energy on how I can utilize the universes abundance and potential to further my own success and desires and more of  my attention towards letting go and accepting life on lifes terms (a process I might add, that I have  to keep bring myself back all the time) . The result of this is being able to have glimpses or fleeting  but magical moments where I have nothing to do, nothing to get, nowhere to go but just be where I am , with who I am. It’s like I suddenly realise that after all my searching and struggling,  that the place I was so desperately
trying to get to , I find out I am actually already there and in that place ,I have everything  I need.Then I see the real irrefutable evidence that the universe has a sense of humour,  is I had it all along

Can you find the person you were destined to be with?

The idea of being with someone you were fated to be with is something that someone single may truly wish for. The whole idea itself rest on some premise that first of all “fate” in itself exists. That woven into the fabric of lives is some kind of plan or order, a cosmic story that we are part of whether we are aware of it or not. The choices we make, the people we attract, the situation that are out of our control are not meaningless events, happening is some kind of random way, rather they are part of some divine order of things. Is all this true? To be honest to do believe in parts of this but at the same time how this view relates to free will and self determination is something philosophers and great thinker have been ruminating all the way back to the ancient Greeks civilisation . Personally I think there is a mixture of fate and choice in life, how the two intersect with one another remains a mystery to me .I know for sure that there have been events in my life that have been beyond coincidence that validate some kind of synchronicity or a wider meaningfulness, at the same time what parts of that are my own creation is hard to draw line under .
I think what’s appealing about the view of predestined events and meeting is it embodies life with some sense of magic and purpose, as pointlessness can create very strong feeling of despair and world-weariness. . Our pain and hardships can be easier to heal and move forward with if we feel that there part of some bigger picture. So if someone is single and they want to meet the person they are destined to be with what do they do to draw that to them? As the very desire or belief in this assumes that that outcome is something that will happen to you, rather then something you create. This then can confront someone with very strong conflict or opportunity for trust ,depending on how you want to look at it. As if romance is genuinely is fated it is pointless trying to make it happen, as in essence it will happen when its “meant to be”. That means there is no relationship between the effort and energy that can go into finding someone , as the belief in fate entrust that outcome to the universe rather than one’s own efforts. Yet you could argue, that who’s to know that the effort you put into finding someone isn’t itself part of the fate itself .So it can end up quite head trip the whole process of where one things begins and the other ends. My basic advice to people looking for that “destined” to be relationship to work towards finding their own sense of personal or individual destiny. The more you aligned and living out your own destiny , then the greater chance the people that are meant to be part of that will come into your life naturally and effortlessly. As life seems at times to follow certain kind of rules, like the harder you try to get something that not in your control the further away its seems to be. So a workable and practical place always to start when it come to meeting someone new is where you are inside yourself. It’s inside ourselves we can examine our expectations, beliefs and feeling that are shaping what we allow to come into our lives. As we resist less the reality of our singleness the more we live our lives in the present and the more able to draw to us something authentically new, as we are in state of sincere openness to what life can bring. This can be contrast to rigid and fixed expectation of what new love has to look and feel like, that we then constantly reviewing and assessing against, setting ourselves up for repeated disappointments . So the best place to start to accelerate the process of finding that “destined” partner is start feeling like your living your life as fully and wholly as possible. Living from position of trust in that unseen hand we choose surrender the parts of our lives we can’t control .The twist in the tales is often when we let go of the want and struggle to acquire that “right relationship” the universe rewards us with , drum roll, you guess it, the “right relationship”.

How finding new love can be path to magic and meaning

It can be all too easy to enter into a routine in the way we think and act that gives us sense of monotony and numbness. We plod along feeling like we have done it all before, because more than likely we have, same s**t ,different day, as expression goes. When we are moving along in this way, a type of emotional autopilot , it makes sense that we feel empty ,depressed and conflicted, as there is another part of us that never really makes peace and accepts this dreary place. We intuitively feel and know that there is more to life than what we are experiencing. This can be heighten even further when the previous mechanism of escape, drugs, drink, food, sex, TV or whatever it maybe, all fail to numb us, or distract us from the pain in the way it used. We are not happy in life and our efforts to pretend otherwise have stopped working.
Although a cynic may say this is “just life” yet that need for “more”, whether we accept it or not, has a power and pull .So much so, we can draw to us the opportunity for change whether we like or not. For many people this “kick start” or emotional revolution begins with a new relationship. Suddenly we feel the blood flowing through our veins, we experience a renewed sense of passion and zest for life. Suddenly a future that seemed rigidly mapped out has been discarded and replaced with a new map that is open and full of potential.
Enclosed with the experience also can be this feeling that this person and this occurrence was somehow fated or destined to be. Although I find it drippy, cliché and corny the general term for this experience is the soul mate (Personally I prefer the term coined by John O’Donahue “Anam Cara” which means “Soul Friend”. This then opens the experience up to emotional connections beyond romantic relationships.) When we feel we have encountered a person that is a soul friend, it awakens a feeling of our own soul. That warm familiarity we get with someone, that feeling we somehow know them, tells us the universe we inhabit is driven and directed by powerful, loving and magical forces .The meaningless drift was just a temporary illusion as the curtain is pulled back to reveal a life full of significance, worth and love. Our fated paths have crossed as a part of wider ,more cosmic narrative that we are somehow part of .
As often these relationship are romantic and often they can be catalyst for huge changes in people lives. People suddenly wake up thinking “Why am I doing this?” “Who’s life am I living?” We sense life is too short and too important to be wasted to be with people we have stopped loving or situations that limit and holds us back. Once we have tasted the fruit of those new and meaningful feelings, it is very difficult to just pretend it never happened. All this said, a bigger danger people can face it being aware of the power a new connection may have on us and as a result secretly hide our souls in anticipation of that bond.
If someone asked me what is the best way to attract that depth of union, I would suggest to start living your life with your soul open to the world to see. That begins with understanding and nurturing that awareness of our soul, spiritual centre, cosmic self, spirit or whatever name you choose to call it. Work to make “soul choices”, choices that come from a deeper understanding of who we are and our relationship with that part of ourselves and that part of life. We all deserve to feel magic and meaning in our lives. The love and connection we feel for another is such a wonderful gift we have as people .It inspires us , it enlivens us, it reminds us of what is truly important .Just beware if you’re not feeling that way you don’t have to wait for that “other” person, you can start now. You can invite that deeper part of who you are into your life. You can mindfully choose to commune with your soul .It’s that ever-present flame that burns within each of, producing feelings of unity, connection, love, kindness and peace. It’s the part of us that fights nothing, as its knows everything is ok and will be ok. As you see the warmth and brilliance of your own nature it will be impossible to not start finding yourself seeing it in others. Then our life becomes celebration of our ability to love and life’s amazing way of giving us an unending opportunities to practice this love. A quest of the heart, born from an awareness we are all worthy of tremendous love and capable of both giving it and receiving it. Give your soul a chance to breath, to be heard. As you do, I have no doubt that many fantastic people and opportunities will enter your life.

Can a person sense if I am needy?

The answer is:” Yes the definitely can!” being needy is not something that we can easily hide. Most of the time it’s so obvious that they can tell from the first date. I will walk you through the most obvious signs of neediness. Understanding where the problem is can help you fix it. No one likes needy, clingy people, this is a turn off for most of us. Here’s what your date sees and why they might interpret as neediness.

Lack of confidence on the first date. First date ends, you look at them with an insecure smile and ask: “Did you have a good time?” This might not appear such a big mistake, but your date can interpret it as being insecure. If you were confident you would not even ask if they had a good time, you’d already know. You should be asking them “So, where shall we go next time?” You don’t have to use the exact same words, but you get the picture. Confident people know what they want, and this is what we are all attracted to, right? Confident people.

When is a good time to call them? Here’s a situation when you can have “needy” written all over you. The three days rule is obsolete. No one has to wait so long to call someone they like. This doesn’t not mean you should call them right after you date, to ask if they got home safe, then call again in the morning to ask how they slept. Or, if they haven’t called you back, you start emailing or texting, to ask them if they got your call. Just give them time to breathe and have time to miss you. Use common sense, don’t appear desperate. Call them once, after that, it’s their turn.

You say “yes” to everything they say. Ok, we all like to be right and have people agreeing with what we say. But we don’t always expect from our date to say “yes” to everything that comes out of our mouth. This translates into:” I don’t have an opinion of my own, so I’ll just go ahead and accept whatever you say and do whatever you want me to.” And you don’t want them to think that, do you? Again, we get to confidence. If you are confident and smart, you will stand up for what you think, even if it means contradicting someone you like. Don’t be afraid to disagree sometimes, they might even like you more if you do.

What does it mean to attract love?

One of the issues around love that I regularly encounter in my readings is that of a person struggling to find a good relationship. The person feels that they are ready, but the right partner simply doesn’t seem to cross their path. They see their friends and family enjoying loving relationships, but they don’t seem to be able to have that need in themselves fulfilled. To want a relationship is normal and healthy but, if it is not happening, it is easy for you to become negative and begin to despair.

It seems as if there is nothing you can do… You cannot force love; it is an experience that must come naturally. You cannot simply make a relationship happen; but, you can create the space to enable it enter your life, and an environment that is welcoming. This is what we mean by “attracting love”.

We need to acknowledge our relationship with the Universe…

When we look at our lives, we can decide what we want and what we would like to see and feel there. However, we are a part of a larger entity; we are a part of the Universe. We need to look beyond our microcosm of life in order to find and attract what we seek. We must open ourselves up to the Universe and trust that it will provide. Resistance keeps us trapped…

The Universe feeds into our life and the events or situations we encounter, but often we are unaware of its involvement and sometimes we even resist its process. This resistance takes the form of our hanging onto our fears and destructive thoughts. We fear being alone, we replay relationships that went wrong and we worry about why we are not in a loving relationship, wondering what is wrong with us. It is only through letting go of this negativity that we can enter the flow of the Universe and create the environment for what we want.

Nurturing clear intention… The second aspect of attracting what we want from the Universe is to be clear about our desires. This is not about drawing up a wish list; it is about knowing where you won’t compromise. It is not about setting up limitations, but it is about working from a positive space. We must nurture this intention as a welcome to the relationship that we want in our life.

Keeping an open heart makes us receptive to love… Life is a big picture and we can’t focus on only one area, such as that of relationships. If we do so, we are limiting our hearts and minds and shutting ourselves off from the energy of the Universe. We need to open ourselves to all of experience, embrace every opportunity and live our lives fully. If we are moving on a path of expansion, enjoying our experience and following our destiny, we are receptive to the right loving energies and it is most likely that the relationship we want will enter our lives. We will have attracted the loving relationship we desire.

What could be blocking you from finding the right relationship in your life?

When you are battling to find the loving relationship that you want, you need to consider what may be blocking you. In my previous article I discussed the principles behind attracting a loving relationship into your life. We saw that there are two main areas where we struggle in the process of attracting what we want in our lives. They are: letting go and clear intention. So, in this article, I am going to discuss the obstacles that may lie in these areas when you are having difficulty finding the right relationship.

Coming from a space of self-content… Make sure that you are ready for a relationship. If you have not resolved old hurts or if you are currently in the throws of life difficulties, you cannot be receptive to what you desire.

If you always seem to be in the “wrong” relationship, look at yourself. What negative aspect of yourself is that relationship reflecting? If the relationship is lacking in love, perhaps you need to find self-love. Until you resolve this issue, each relationship you experience will show you the importance of loving yourself.

When we are searching for a partner and don’t seem to be getting anywhere, it is easy to start to despair. However, despair turns you against the flow of the Universe. Despair will cause you to push harder in your search whilst chasing all of you opportunities away.

Remember that if you hang onto fears and negative thoughts, you cannot join the dance of the Universe; and it is this connection that brings you what you desire. You need to be content within yourself, and have let go of the events and emotions that hold you back, before seeking a loving relationship.

You may be sabotaging yourself…

Often we can be thinking and saying what we want but, on a deeper level, we are actually working against ourselves and sabotage any chance of success. There are always many paths that self-sabotage can take, but consider these two in your search for understanding this situation:

• Perhaps you have been hurt previously and your fear of future rejection is so great that it prevents you from allowing yourself to have the loving relationship that you can – and that you deserve.
• Maybe you are scared or unwilling to move out of your comfort zone. You may have had many years on your own, free to your own habits; or, you may fear trying new activities and visiting different places

Clarity on your intentions…

Can You Really Find Love Online?

Part 1: The Questions of Internet Dating Over the last ten years internet dating has boomed from being on the fringes and a place where nerds and serial killers lurked to a normal and accepted means of connecting and hopefully finding love.

Currently, if you meet a single person in the UK there is a 50/50 chance that they would be using some form of internet dating to meet people. In 2008, over 8 million singles in the UK used the internet to try to find love – among other things.

The difference…

As the internet has become fundamental to our everyday life, it makes sense that it can be used as a tool to connect; however, it is very far removed from the historical forms of finding love. Rather it offers a Tesco-style online ordering of a relationship. This raises certain questions regarding our traditional beliefs and expectations around love.

Does destiny still apply…

Many of us hold romantic ideals of how we could meet a person and fall in love. This is destiny or what is meant to be. These imaginings tend to take place in more normal contexts such as the work environment or friends of friends or just meeting a person out at a pub. However, the internet has now given us a unique opportunity to find people that share interests, hobbies or whatever it is you’re searching for.

This leads to one of the questions that are often on people’s minds: where does destiny come into something like internet dating? Can searching and finding someone online be fate or is it us making it happen?

Is it real?

Is connecting through internet channels natural? Is the relationship that forms real? The internet is a medium that has the potential to cut us off from each other, yet now there are these so-called connections hiding behind emails and chats.

Love across the internet…

Finally, the main question is: Does it work? Can you find love via internet dating? How can you make the most of and get the most from the process?

Human civilisation has always evolved and advanced. In the last century this has accelerated at rate almost beyond comprehension. How we have typically met the opposite sex has also changed and evolved according to the cultural and social norm of the time. Internet dating is yet another level of this process.

Soul Mate: Fact or Fiction

The Concept of a Soul Mate When we think of the words “soul mate”, we tend to think of the ideal partner, the ultimate relationship and the one where we live happily ever after. We tend to think that we will know it immediately when we find the person. We may even think that it will solve everything in our lives. However, we need to look deeper.

The experience…

When we find a soul mate, there is a profound sense of connection. We can feel as if we already know the person. This could be because, on some level, we do. Perhaps we were together in a previous life with them or perhaps our souls made a decision to share experiences together in this life. It is as if it is our destiny to be together.

When you find your soul mate, the relationship will be deeply loving and uplifting for both of you. It is not an obsessive clinging to one another to the exclusion of all else; it is where you both grow and develop spiritually. Your interactions are open and you are not playing out childhood issues. This doesn’t mean that there won’t be challenges. Relationships are our teachers and soul mates are here to help our growth.

The downfall…

Although the belief that you have found your soul mate can be positive for your relationship, it can also create unnecessary pressure and expectations.

What happens if your soul mate leaves you? Does this now mean that you will never have that experience again? Will you wait forever, expecting them to return to you because it is “meant to be”? Do you now believe you will be lonely forever?

It is natural to want a deep relationship; however, if too much importance is placed on finding this one exceptional partner, how much stress will that cause us? If we are waiting for that instant feeling of love how many opportunities will we miss? We are setting ourselves up for a succession of disappointments.

If we believe a soul mate is the only solution, if this must be the reality, we limit ourselves and our lives.

A different view…

One of my favourite books is “Anam Cara” by John O’Donohue. It is a beautifully written book which explores what it means to have an Anam Cara, which is Gaelic for “soul friend”.

How Do You Attract the Loving Relationship You Want?

We have looked at what it means to attract love into your life and we have looked at why it may not be happening for you. (Click here to read the first two articles of the series). Now we address the question of how to attract the relationship you want into your life. The answer lies in using the principles of attraction in this Universe, together with cultivating self-awareness.

Nurturing clear intentions… Firstly you need to be able to assess your feelings and motives. It is through this self-awareness that you can remove any blocks that you may have to attracting what you want into your life. Ensure that you feel content and secure within yourself before you start to look for a relationship.

Being positive and knowing what we want is important in attracting our desires. Nurture clear and open intentions which, as we have discussed previously, create a receptive space around us.

Trust the Universe…

You may feel that it is all very well saying that one needs to have faith that the Universe will provide, but, how do you actually believe it? And, how can you possibly hold this trust if it has failed for you previously? Well, consider this: You can either trust the Universe or not. If you don’t, what will happen? You will remain trapped in your fears and a loving partner will remain elusive. On the other hand, you can choose to trust that the relationship you desire will flow into your life, and open yourself to it happening. It may be a difficult process, but if you work at it gradually, you’ll find you can trust a little more each day. How to let go…

Letting go is linked to trusting the Universe. Moving towards living a life without the fear and emotions that keep you trapped is also a gradual process. You can start in small ways, for example, begin with letting go of the anger or upset around a snide comment from a colleague. Over time you will find that you strengthen your ability to allow life to take its course. For this journey, you need to grow your self-awareness. You need to start to recognise when you are holding on and discover why. Knowledge is the first step in change.

Living a full life… Your world must not be focused on the one goal of finding a loving relationship; no, you need to live. Don’t avoid certain opportunities or invitations because you feel they are unlikely to lead to your meeting “the one”. If you have a steady intention, your world will be open to attracting a loving relationship in ways that perhaps you would not have thought possible. Share your love with the many around you. An open heart attracts love – and the love that you are looking for.