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The idea of being with someone you were fated to be with is something that someone single may truly wish for. The whole idea itself rest on some premise that first of all “fate” in itself exists. That woven into the fabric of lives is some kind of plan or order, a cosmic sto
ry that we are part of whether we are aware of it or not. The choices we make, the people we attract, the situation that are out of our control are not meaningless events, happening is some kind of random way, rather they are part of some divine order of things. Is all this true? To be honest to do believe in parts of this but at the same time how this view relates to free will and self determination is something philosophers and great thinker have been ruminating all the way back to the ancient Greeks civilisation . Personally I think there is a mixture of fate and choice in life, how the two intersect with one another remains a mystery to me .I know for sure that there have been events in my life that have been beyond coincidence that validate some kind of synchronicity or a wider meaningfulness, at the same time what parts of that are my own creation is hard to draw line under .
I think what’s appealing about the view of predestined events and meeting is it embodies life with some sense of magic and purpose, as pointlessness can create very strong feeling of despair and world-weariness. . Our pain and hardships can be easier to heal and move forward with if we feel that there part of some bigger picture. So if someone is single and they want to meet the person they are destined to be with what do they do to draw that to them? As the very desire or belief in this assumes that that outcome is something that will happen to you, rather then something you create. This then can confront someone with very strong conflict or opportunity for trust ,depending on how you want to look at it. As if romance is genuinely is fated it is pointless trying to make it happen, as in essence it will happen when its “meant to be”. That means there is no relationship between the effort and energy that can go into finding someone , as the belief in fate entrust that outcome to the universe rather than one’s own efforts. Yet you could argue, that who’s to know that the effort you put into finding someone isn’t itself part of the fate itself .So it can end up quite head trip the whole process of where one things begins and the other ends. My basic advice to people looking for that “destined” to be relationship to work towards finding their own sense of personal or individual destiny. The more you aligned and living out your own destiny , then the greater chance the people that are meant to be part of that will come into your life naturally and effortlessly. As life seems at times to follow certain kind of rules, like the harder you try to get something that not in your control the further away its seems to be. So a workable and practical place always to start when it come to meeting someone new is where you are inside yourself. It’s inside ourselves we can examine our expectations, beliefs and feeling that are shaping what we allow to come into our lives. As we resist less the reality of our singleness the more we live our lives in the present and the more able to draw to us something authentically new, as we are in state of sincere openness to what life can bring. This can be contrast to rigid and fixed expectation of what new love has to look and feel like, that we then constantly reviewing and assessing against, setting ourselves up for repeated disappointments . So the best place to start to accelerate the process of finding that “destined” partner is start feeling like your living your life as fully and wholly as possible. Living from position of trust in that unseen hand we choose surrender the parts of our lives we can’t control .The twist in the tales is often when we let go of the want and struggle to acquire that “right relationship” the universe rewards us with , drum roll, you guess it, the “right relationship”.
I recently came across a link to this course http://www.youtube.com/stephenberlin when I was reading through a dream forum .I have read bits and pieces in the past about lucid dreaming but didn’t really know too much about it. Stephen Berlin has put together a series of 11 lessons or sessions about lucid dreaming the nature and function of dreams. Stephen demonstrates a huge knowledge and insight in why we dream and how our dream can better help us understanding ourselves and you place in the universe. To be honest after listen to the first one I was hooked and spend the next 110 minutes glued to my PC .In my experience a lot of the stuff out there about dreams seem either airy fairy or just plain bizarre .This course feels grounded but the same time will inspire you to approach your dream with sense of adventure and opportunity. Other then the Byron Katie stuff online there isn’t that much I have recommend on my blog but after doing this course I really felt like this was something I was wanted to get out there and promote due to the quality and integrity of the content .Although I think this would well be worth paying for the author has made using the course free, of which he leads into with a great quote from U.G Kristumurti .Anyway go have look and let me you what you think J
The New Year is a traditional time of making resolutions and commitments to things we would like to achieve. Most of us in the past have made lists of resolutions, be it to give up smoking, lose weight or find new love. Of course we start off with some initial surge of enthusiasm and determination, then the days and weeks pass the commitment wears thin and often the underlying issues that created the initial obstacles reveal themselves and draw us back into our old habits. Of course, there are some people who succeed. These lucky few posses an iron will, who when needed, can commit to whatever they want and get the job done.
Given the amount of people in the Western world who are trapped in one form of addiction or another, from alcohol, illegal and legal drugs, coffee, sugar, sex, TV, video games, fitness, work or any other of the numerous things that we can be addicted to. This of course isn’t even talking about the less obvious or less measurable addictions, such as thoughts and feelings that many people could be deemed addicted to. All this it would seem to indicate that the “iron will” it not something the vast majority of us possess. We have a picture of a society made of individuals who struggle to change and transform into who they want to be.
If each person in the UK had to make a list of things they wanted to change about themselves, I would guess it would be largely made of things they would like to “stop doing”, habits to kick, and patterns to dissolve. We now have thousands of industries, products and services all assuring and promising the fulfilment of these wishes. The most obvious example is the weight loss industry; figures show in the USA alone in 2006 55 billon dollars was spent on weight loss. With this huge investment people are making the results are astounding, surprise surprise, obesity in the USA is on the rise and predicted to be the main cause of death in the next fifty years. Each person of course wants to be believe, and is told to believe that even though diets do not work for most (95% the figures show long term) they will be different, their pride and fear drives them to invest in a system that has a history of failure. If it was a medicine that you were told would cost you $100 but only ever worked on 5% of the people would you buy it? The clincher and the hook the weight loss industry has is the success of the program, diet or whatever is being sold depends on the will power of the person. If you are strong enough, disciplined enough then it can work. What people fail to see metaphorically speaking, the company who owns the diet shop also owns the sweet shop across the street. Each desire is being played off each other.
I think it’s safe to assume if you were to ask the average Joe on the street what they want in life one way or another you would get the answer “To be happy”. Even if it wasn’t directly that, such as I want fame , money and power as your questions probed further that person may assume that all these other thing will lead them to being happy. So it makes sense if this is what most of us wants to ask the question “What is it that prevents us from getting it?” What causes us the pain that prevents us from being happy?
Will getting what we want make us happy?
Through my own personal experience, as well as trying to help others, I see much of our pain and suffering come from us all the time wanting to change things we have very little control over. This applies not just with people and circumstance but with ourselves. You might be startled to note how many times through the course of a day you find yourself fighting “something” or “someone” in our minds .From the minor like “He should have indicated when pulled out in front of my car” or “The waiter should have at least apologised when they brought out my lunch order forty minutes late” or, to the major ones of “I want my partner to more affectionate” ,”It’s unfair I didn’nt get the promotion” “I hate myself or being this overweight” .We are constantly evaluating our life interactions in terms do they give us what we want or what we expect.A good dayis made up of successfully getting what we want, a bad day is usually consistent of events and outcomes that far removed from what we want. Yet within this mindset most of us possess, we often fail to truly examine two pertinent questions
1)Is getting what want really the source of lasting happiness?
2) Why is it we huff and puff over things we have little or no control of?
No fighting, just accepting…
An alternative to this fighting is the practice of acceptance or non-resistance. When you imagine non-resistance you could envision just passively just “accepting” whatever comes your way. Kind of being a spiritual doormat. Yet we you really take a look its more the art of understanding what is you can’t and can control and not exerting energy and effort in pointless directions. This takes great trust in life and the “way of the universe” as just accepting goes hand in hand with letting go of our minds coveted outcomes, we are manoeuvring towards all the time.
It can be all too easy to enter into a routine in the way we think and act that gives us sense of monotony and numbness. We plod along feeling like we have done it all before, because more than likely we have, same s**t ,different day, as expression goes. When we are moving along in this way, a type of emotional autopilot , it makes sense that we feel empty ,depressed and conflicted, as there is another part of us that never really makes peace and accepts this dreary place. We intuitively feel and know that there is more to life than what we are experiencing. This can be heighten even further when the previous mechanism of escape, drugs, drink, food, sex, TV or whatever it maybe, all fail to numb us, or distract us from the pain in the way it used. We are not happy in life and our efforts to pretend otherwise have stopped working.
Although a cynic may say this is “just life†yet that need for “moreâ€, whether we accept it or not, has a power and pull .So much so, we can draw to us the opportunity for change whether we like or not. For many people this “kick start†or emotional revolution begins with a new relationship. Suddenly we feel the blood flowing through our veins, we experience a renewed sense of passion and zest for life. Suddenly a future that seemed rigidly mapped out has been discarded and replaced with a new map that is open and full of potential.
Enclosed with the experience also can be this feeling that this person and this occurrence was somehow fated or destined to be. Although I find it drippy, cliché and corny the general term for this experience is the soul mate (Personally I prefer the term coined by John O’Donahue “Anam Cara†which means “Soul Friendâ€. This then opens the experience up to emotional connections beyond romantic relationships.) When we feel we have encountered a person that is a soul friend, it awakens a feeling of our own soul. That warm familiarity we get with someone, that feeling we somehow know them, tells us the universe we inhabit is driven and directed by powerful, loving and magical forces .The meaningless drift was just a temporary illusion as the curtain is pulled back to reveal a life full of significance, worth and love. Our fated paths have crossed as a part of wider ,more cosmic narrative that we are somehow part of .
As often these relationship are romantic and often they can be catalyst for huge changes in people lives. People suddenly wake up thinking “Why am I doing this?†“Who’s life am I living?†We sense life is too short and too important to be wasted to be with people we have stopped loving or situations that limit and holds us back. Once we have tasted the fruit of those new and meaningful feelings, it is very difficult to just pretend it never happened. All this said, a bigger danger people can face it being aware of the power a new connection may have on us and as a result secretly hide our souls in anticipation of that bond.
If someone asked me what is the best way to attract that depth of union, I would suggest to start living your life with your soul open to the world to see. That begins with understanding and nurturing that awareness of our soul, spiritual centre, cosmic self, spirit or whatever name you choose to call it. Work to make “soul choicesâ€, choices that come from a deeper understanding of who we are and our relationship with that part of ourselves and that part of life. We all deserve to feel magic and meaning in our lives. The love and connection we feel for another is such a wonderful gift we have as people .It inspires us , it enlivens us, it reminds us of what is truly important .Just beware if you’re not feeling that way you don’t have to wait for that “other†person, you can start now. You can invite that deeper part of who you are into your life. You can mindfully choose to commune with your soul .It’s that ever-present flame that burns within each of, producing feelings of unity, connection, love, kindness and peace. It’s the part of us that fights nothing, as its knows everything is ok and will be ok. As you see the warmth and brilliance of your own nature it will be impossible to not start finding yourself seeing it in others. Then our life becomes celebration of our ability to love and life’s amazing way of giving us an unending opportunities to practice this love. A quest of the heart, born from an awareness we are all worthy of tremendous love and capable of both giving it and receiving it. Give your soul a chance to breath, to be heard. As you do, I have no doubt that many fantastic people and opportunities will enter your life.
There comes a point when writing articles about relationships and personal development where I get stuck. It’s hard not to feel that you just end up writing different version of  the same topics. The truth is this is the case but it’s more of a honest reflection of the way life and relationship themselves unfold. Often we are dealing with the same things over and over, the same themes, the same issues, the same conflicts, the same dilemmas. Each time we go through a cycle we hope for a better understanding or more insight and awareness of what’s happening .
If only they called more…..
Life ends up feeling like a spiral more than a  straight line. One of the themes I have talked about before is how relationships are our mirrors to ourselves, how we view others, tells us more about ourselves than the people we are judging or forming opinions on. This is almost an instinctual habit in us that it’s hard at times to really gain distance from, due to how frequently we go about this. In psychic readings the most common occurrence of this is when a person wants other person to be another way in order to make them feel more safe, secure or reassured. For instance someone we are in love with or involved with, becomes emotionally distant and stops communicating. This can then trigger a anxiety or feeling of unease that compels the person to want the other person to go back to the way they were before, to keep loving them or keep giving them the feeling that made them feel so good before. It  is within the midst of these moments we have a golden opportunity to shift our perceptive, to bring to ourselves more happiness and more contentment.
Its our “thoughts” not the other person that is the problem..
The thought “They should call more often†when we are faced with a reality that they don’t and it appears they are not going to, creates a high level of stress and frustration .We put our focus into hoping and wishing they would do what we want. We want our internal discomfort to ease by an external reality that we have no say or no control over. We set ourselves up to feel stressed and unhappy just by the thought “They should call more often†which really translate “They should do what I want ,to make me feel what I wantâ€. If we are able to examine this thought and put our focus not shifting reality but shifting the thought.
I have an imaginary bird that sits on my shoulder that I call the “should-do birdâ€. Like my crazy monkey of crystal meth, it is one of the other voices in my head. Before you shout “crazy person†I remind you that we all have voices in our heads, that we commonly refer to as thoughts. A persistent and repetitive pattern of thoughts, I choose to call a voice and give that voice a name. It’s not exactly a psychological breakthrough, as the use of, or analogy of our “internal voices†is common in certain approaches of psychology. I personally find it helps to indentify these voices with names and clear understanding of what they have to say and contribute to my life.
The endless commands of my “should do†bird
As the various voices I live with go the “should do bird” is one I end up listening to a lot. It’s been there perched on my shoulder for as long as I can remember. Its role and function in my life is pretty simple and straight forward. It reminds me of all the things I should be doing, saying, thinking , choosing or taking action on. It’s the indefatigable and unwavering voice that write and re writes endless lists of what I should be doing. The should do bird honestly never, ever shuts up. Its orders range from basic house hold duties such as emptying the bins, to work related task like sending an email, moving on to creative objective such as writing an Oscar winning screenplay, next relationship issue concerning being more direct in how I communicate, then on to amendments to my personality like being more organised, to wider more global issue such as making a difference in the world, then the spiritual dimension has to be covered with is have a direct experience of the oneness of the whole universe and these are the ones that have been chirped out before I,m out of bed.
It’s orders never stop..
In addition to ordering me to do these things , the “should do bird’ also has the duty of reminding me of when I haven’t and lets me know overall how bad that is. As you can imagine my “should do bird” is pretty much ticked off at me most of the time as I rarely get to achieve all of what’s on my daily list of things to “do†and “beâ€. We also have to be clear, its not the should do birds job to praise or acknowledge when I have accomplished things. Its job is to tell me what to do or be and then remind me when I haven’t. Even when I am having a break or trying to take it easy , the “should do bird” is there telling me I should try and relax, thank you should do bird for that reminder.
It is often stated that we have more in common as people than what separates us. One very obvious example of this is the experience of pain and suffering. It seems to be an inescapable part of being human. The measure of how happy or great a life might be could be measured by how much pain and suffering you end up experiencing and how you dealt with it. Some of our pain comes from our choices and other pain can be unexpected, that we have no control over. This type of pain can be the hardest, as it feels at times so unfair or uncalled for .In my own life I have had my share of hardships and difficulty. I know for sure when I look towards my future I can confidently expect some more. Here are four perspectives that can offer some comfort. I know how I approach and view my pain can have a big difference in the severity of the impact .
1) Accepting as a fundamental premise that I have a limited amount of control over people and situations, this ensures my expectations are more aligned with the reality of life.
2) If my suffering, or the suffering of people I care for is just a consequence of random and meaningless universe then for me it’s harder to accept. Knowing that behind all things in life there is a cosmic or divine force that is loving and meaningful can help put into perspectives some of the pain that feels so cruel and unjust.
3) Everything that happens, no matter how tough in some way can help me learn something. Something about others, something about myself, my pain can be my teacher.
4) Sometimes the greater the pain, the greater the sense of reward and gratitude you feel when you breakthrough. Suffering allows our joy to be intense.
Having an outlook that that gives one perspective doesn’t make the pain any less but at least it gives it a context that makes it meaningful. One of my favourite writers is Kahlil Gibran. When friends close to me having gone through tough times I have sent them this is passage from his book “The Prophetâ€. It’s both inspiring and true. So if you are going through a painful moment take comfort in the fact you not alone and that buried in the suffering is some kind of treasure waiting to be found.
Is there such a things as a formula to happiness? There is movement called positive psychology that attempts to answer that question. It works out what you need to do, to be happy. Positive psychology studies not our problems, trauma and wounds, rather the mechanics of what makes us happy and contented. The focus is on how to be happy rather than how not to be sad. I have read a number of books in these areas that I have found both helpful and fascinating. There some links at the bottom of the post to the ones I have read.
Although I liked these books, there is a danger for me, at least when it comes to reading, not just these books but any book on improving oneself. This issue is illustrated a by true story what happened to me last summer. Picture lovely warm summer’s day in Malta. Lucky for me I only live a walk away from the beach. Although I live in the part of the island that has sandy beach, I prefer more secluded rocky part of the coast, that is quieter and nice to swim in. So there I was about to head out to the beach and spotted on our book shelf a book I didn’t realise we had .I has been meaning to order it after reading an article of the author but I just hadn’t got around to .Little did I know my partner Susana had already bought book and had just recently unpacked on our book self. The book is called “Happiness: Lesson in a new science†by Richards Layman .On the front over it has little star that says inside the “ 7 Causes of being happyâ€. Wow! I thought I will grab the book and was filled with that sense of satisfaction when you find something you really want to read. My morning was now mapped out, have swim, lay out my towel and discover the 7 causes of being happy, hoping of course I immediately cause them there and then.
So far so good, I get to the beach, I have my lovely swim, I lay out my towel, I get out my water, if put on my sunglasses, I pull the book from my back pack and then like a true Frank Spencer , I kind of did this weird losing of balance thing and the book came flying out of my hands .The place I was I actually high up from the sea and the book fell from my hands and into the sea. Too far down and impossible to get to, I just had to watch my book, actually Susana’s book ,float off into the Mediterranean . So the moral of the story ,according to Susana it was to never ever leave the house with book that’s hers. Ok I got that one. Second moral a Freudian slip, accuse the pun, or subconscious message to myself. Maybe I should stop reading, researching, listening and taking in how to be happy, maybe it was time to give being happy ago? Of all the books to plummet in the sea, particularly when I was so looking forward to reading it, one on “How to Happy”. This can’t just a coincidence it’s a sign for sure.
I have started this blog in for two main reasons, one is to share insights and understandings on topic’s that will help and support my clients or anyone else who looking for help. The second reason is to be able to share with the world ,my inner world, my thoughts, feeling and reflections on life. My poetry I have on the blog is the best reflection on the later. So today I would like to share with you an experience I had today within a psychic reading and the reverberating effect it has had on me through the day. Without divulging the details of the reading ,what happen was I came through with the name of the person the client was wanting to connect with who had passed away. I came through with their name and the abbreviation they used to be known by. Obviously for the client this has great validation of the fact this person they had loved and lost was still there. For me as psychic medium it also validates my own abilities and gifts. The experience itself is hard to explain as its very subtle and very delicate .The best metaphor I can use is it feels like my mind is an open space and the name of this person just gets dropped in ,like a coin into a jar. The place this name comes from, or emerges from, inside my mind feels ever so slightly different from the normal churn of thoughts. This thought is different enough, for long enough to pluck it quickly from my mind and share it with the client. Yet more than just game of guessing what thoughts are mine and what aren’t, there is genuine feeling of another person communicating. I have had too many “beyond probable†points of communication to doubt that it’s real. Yet despite this personal evidence it is easy to forget the broader life implication in what this really means. The truth is, in some way somehow, random strangers who I have never meant or never known who have died, connect with me to pass on messages to people still living that they love. What this means is there is reality layered over the world as we know it that is far more mysterious, magical and miraculous than we could imagine. It means that peoples like John Edwards and other successful mediums are the true pioneers of the frontiers of the most unexplored and misunderstood reality on earth. Yet the great news is this is not areas that can be own, sold or exploited and maybe that’s why there is so little interest or research and development that’s goes into truly exploring these things. Connecting and communicating with this universe within our universe is open to anyone wanting to make that connection. Its takes a readiness to unlearn, its takes heart that’s willing to be open but more than anything, it takes a kind of child like curiosity ,with eyes wide open you able to think “ummm what if†Readings like today vividly remind me that in the midst of all the social injustice , fear and anxiety that seems to be surrounding us today, that life is more unknown ,that known. It rapidly dissolve the modern arrogance and disenchantment of “knowing it all†and feeling that there is nothing left to discover or explore. Today’s reading reminds me there is vast universe of undiscovered terrains and connections, mysteries and worlds waiting to be explored. As bat crazy as it may sound this excite me, it inspires me and today’s reading reveals how wonderfully weird and interesting our existents really is and how privilege I am to be part of that magic.
