Turning Distance into Closeness
Closeness in a Relationship Closeness can be a very tricky thing. Sometimes we find ourselves running away from it, sometimes we find ourselves wishing and wanting it when it’s not there. The truth is that closeness and intimacy are one of the many things which make life special and meaningful. Although it is a cliche, it is true when they say that on your death bed you won’t be looking back thinking “Could I have made more money, had more acclaim?” More than likely you will be thinking “Who was I close to?”, ” Whom did I love?”, “Could I have loved them more”
Closeness as a gauge in relationships…
Closeness is an intangible and precious gift we both give and receive. Yet, for many of us, finding, developing and enjoying it can be part of life’s challenges. This can especially be the case when it comes to romantic relationships. Maybe we had closeness and it slipped away; maybe it was never there in first place and so we look for it even more. Either way, when it comes to romantic relationships the level of closeness, in many ways, is the gauge of the success of the relationship. The closer we are, the more we feel the relationship is working; the more distance, the more we feel things are wrong, things are not working. Often we can feel that things lie somewhere in the middle: we have some closeness but not as much as we would like.
Closeness as a value…
We can look at this issue in the light of values. If we have a partner who comes from a family where distance is the norm and closeness is not something they value, we can’t force that person to be close to us. They care for us in their own way. So, if closeness is the measure of the quality of a relationship and we can’t force our partners to be closer to us, there remains the question of how to we get closer to the people we love.
The process of becoming closer…
A basic thing to understand is how closeness is developed. Closeness is the natural process of being able to be honest, open and yourself with a person. It does not have to be romantic. We could say “I had such a great weekend with my mum; by the end of it we just seemed so much closer”. When we say “so much closer”, what do we mean? What happens to make us “closer”? Sadly we live in a society where much of our time is spent behind masks and different persona. It is not often that we feel naturally open, honest and close to people. Our guards are up automatically and we take time to warm and get close to people. So, part of this closeness is about really knowing people.
